From Our President Archive
The Board at Work and the Task Force on Right Relations
Of late, the most asked questions by congregants are, “What does right relations mean and how does this process work?” I can’t give you a course in Right Relationships but I can tell you of the work done so far.
The Board and Nancy Edmundson spent 12 hours on Friday and Saturday, June 18 and 19, working together to learn and share in answering these questions.
The scope of work and qualities needed of task force members, conflict management, and creating a board covenant were our major focuses.
In the next few weeks the board will appoint 10 to 12 members to the Long Range Right Relations Task Force. They in turn will have their trainings and begin the process enumerated under “scope of work” below.
We have many members who have expressed interest in being involved in our congregation-wide Right Relations process. Should you not be on the list of task force members at this time, you should know that we have many more qualified people than we have positions to fill. We are also attending to a balance of diversity of numerous sorts, such as chronological age, gender, and years of membership. But you won’t be left out of the process, as there will be plenty of opportunities to engage in and support the work of the congregation-wide yearlong effort.
Following are the items authored by Nancy and adopted in current form by the board:
Right Relations Task Force members collectively as a group should possess the following qualities:
• Recent experience in our community life and currently active
• Credibility within the congregation: seen as trustworthy by most (due to current conflict, “by most” becomes important vs. “by all”)
• Ability to listen to and hear different points of view (with understanding that individuals within the group are likely to have varied points of view about current conflicts)
• Good communication skills
• Experience with, or capacity to develop, small group cofacilitation
• Committed to a right relations process in the congregation without attachments to specific outcomes
• In considering the “full task force”— members of the congregation can likely identify with or “see themselves” in
someone on the task group
• Available mid-July 2016 through June 2017 (perhaps later); able to meet up to two times per month and on several weekends Scope of work for Task Force members:
• Two evening meetings per month
• Several Friday evening/Saturday congregation events
• Video/phone conferences
• Staffing information tables on Sundays on occasion
• Co-facilitation of small conversation groups
• Attendance at other UUCCSM committee/group meetings on occasion
• Full engagement in the process, and consider a modest amount of reading material assigned by Nancy in support of the task force’s work
• Communication with UU Santa Monica congregation
• Possible continuation in the ongoing Right Relations conversations and activities, at a leadership level but not
necessarily on the longer-term task force The process of learning about ourselves and our community promises profound influence on us as individuals and on us as a community.
Thank you all,
— Ron Crane
The Exercise of the Mutual Practice of Being Human, Part 1: “Church is where we get to practice being human”
We are entering into an evaluation and learning of our community. Included is how we operate, how we worship, how we communicate, and how we see ourselves, as a community and each one of us as a person.
My first “ah hah” attraction to UU Santa Monica was on my first visit. I heard or read “Church is where we get to practice what it means to be human..” My heart swelled, my eyes leaked, and I felt at home.
Now is the time to bring forth this concept as a daily practice with others and with ourselves.
Support others in their practice of being human. Encourage everyone to live with considerate candor what they feel and believe. Do so for yourself. Let us all live what we believe until we don’t believe it anymore.
Support others with the practice of empathic understanding: the feeling that we understand and experience another’s place of being. Search in interaction for such understanding. When it occurs, it changes both people. Practice that empathy with yourself. Therein is great learning and great community.
Let us do all of this together.
— Ron Crane, President
For Team Success, “Be Kind and Listen!”
What makes a successful team? Google recently studied just that and published an article in “The New York Times.” I have read and reread it because I love this stuff, and as President I want to see successful “teams” in our congregation and do what I can to foster them. So what is the essence of teamwork? Google’s Project Aristotle set out to find out.
As the researchers struggled to figure out what made a team successful, they kept coming across research by psychologists and sociologists that focused on what are known as ‘‘group norms.’’ Norms are the traditions, behavioral standards, and unwritten rules that govern how we function when we gather. Norms can be unspoken or openly acknowledged, but their influence is often profound. Team members may behave in certain ways as individuals — they may chafe against authority or prefer working independently — but when they gather (as we do as a congregation), the group’s norms typically override individual proclivities and encourage deference to the team. Researchers found that psychological safety was the key. For Project Aristotle, research on psychological safety pointed to particular norms — namely communication and empathy — that are vital to success.
Project Aristotle’s researchers had figured out which norms were most critical. Now they had to find a way to make communication and empathy — the building blocks of forging real connections — into something workable. As the researchers studied various groups, they noticed two behaviors that all the good teams generally shared. First, members spoke in roughly the same proportion. As long as everyone got a chance to talk, the team did well, but if only one person or a small group spoke all the time, the collective intelligence declined. Second, the good teams all had high ‘‘average social sensitivity’’ — a fancy way of saying they were skilled at intuiting how others felt based on their tone of voice, their expressions, and other nonverbal cues.
As a congregation, we establish norms through our covenants and our seven principles, but they don’t always work in practice, as we have sadly witnessed. That is the task ahead of us. Abby Arnold summed up the essence of the Google study in our recent Pledge Team meeting. “Be kind and listen!”
— Patricia Wright
Create a Container That Honors the Values of the Community
I want to share the process that led us from the Congregational Conversations to the 3/20/16 Town Hall and the steps in between.
The UUA Region’s report on the Congregational Conversations that took place over the weekend of 2/19 leading into Monday 2/22 was received by the Board on March 9. A meeting with Ken Brown, the Board, Committee on Ministry, and executive staff took place on the following Thursday, March 10. Out of that meeting came the decision to share the report in its entirety with the membership. That intent was announced to the congregation on Sunday and a Monday e-blast was planned with direct mailings to members not on email. The report raised serious and substantial issues and carried recommendations that are profound.
The Board had a special meeting on 3/14 to discuss the report, and the consensus was that board members wanted to hear from the congregation first before committing to any steps ahead. That’s why the Board as whole did not make a statement at the Town Hall. Individuals were welcome to take off their Board hat and speak as they wished. Some did.
As many expressed, we need to move slowly and deliberately. I have no doubt that the Board is willing and capable to lead us through the hard new work, slowly and deliberately, and with outside help.
One interpretation and observation in the report suggested that we did ourselves “harm in the way this conflict was not addressed in a more timely fashion when far fewer people needed to be involved.” Of course I ask myself what we could have done to stem this tide. Honestly we tried through communication workshops (Mary Mackenzie’s Non-Violent Communication), an informational workshop on governance, reaching out individually by members and our minister, and working with the Committee on Ministry. Twenty-twenty hindsight might tell us that we could have turned to the UUA Region earlier.
It was moving to hear people’s comments not only on Sunday but in the myriad of emails exchanged before and after the meeting. Where do we go from here? Forward and with healing, I hope, and with help from outside and within. We have a lot of talent and expertise. In my February newsletter article I asked you to help us create a container in which we might find hopefulness by asking how you might contribute to the health and sustainability of our church and take that vision out into the world. That container honors the values of the community over the needs of the individuals. We share a oneness but not a sameness, let us meet around that container.
— Patricia Wright
Thank you for helping me help a friend plan a memorial service
The husband of a friend of mine recently took his own life after a long and painful illness. It was very sad. She and I frequently had lunch following Mindful Meditation at the Hammer Museum and I often talked about my involvement with UU Santa Monica. Though not a member of our congregation or our faith, she turned to me for help with her husband’s memorial and I was honored.
She saw me in this way: “And Patricia will see the event as a congregation of sorts with different agendas and messages that folks want to have heard.” “Patricia has a theory about constructive group interactions which can help guide the discussion.” Having heard that (!), I turned to Rev. Rebecca and Mary Mackenzie, who conducted our Compassionate Communication workshop in October, and asked for help. We had a mini telecon at which we addressed my request for help and more specifically some questions I had. I am so grateful for their suggestions and this congregation for giving me the confidence that I could help a friend in need in this way.
The opening words frame the occasion. Sharing of special memories of how lives were touched are followed by a moment of silence in the Quaker tradition.
“Today we gather as a community of family, friends, and colleagues to mourn and bid farewell. We gather to show our love and support for all those whose lives were touched. We gather to seek and receive the comfort and healing we offer one another in community.”
I am grateful for the suggestion of poems that honor his life and passion.
Lost in Heaven by Robert Frost
The clouds, the source of rain, one stormy night Offered an opening to the source of dew; Which I accepted with impatient sight, Looking for my old skymarks in the blue. But stars were scarce in that part of the sky, And no two were of the same constellation— No one was bright enough to identify; So ’twas with not ungrateful consternation,
Seeing myself well lost once more, I sighed, ‘Where, where in Heaven am I? But don’t tell me Oh, opening clouds, by opening on me wide. Let’s let my heavenly lostness overwhelm me.’
The experience of being part of this memorial service planning has deepened my appreciation of life, connections, and community.
— Patricia Wright
Participate in the Business Meeting February 14 and Focus Groups February 20 to 22
Let us hear your voice at the Sunday, February14, business meeting to vote on the recommendations regarding our financial future. This vote will be the culmination of the hard work of the Committee on Money (Co$) that began in November 2014. It is gratifying that these are now joint recommendations of the Co$ and the Board, and we now welcome the support of the congregation. February 14 was not chosen because it is Valentine’s Day (alternate was Super Bowl Sunday!), but “Love is the doctrine of this church” and as Unitarian Universalists we “Stand on the side of love.”
And let us hear your voice during the weekend of February 20 to 22 when the UUA Western Region will conduct Congregational Conversations at UU Santa Monica. We hope for participation from 200 members. Whichever way you may feel comfortable expressing your voice can be accommodated. Visit the table in Forbes Hall or contact Tom Peters or Sue Stoyanoff, co-chairs of the Committee on Ministry, with your request. The UUA will issue a report within 30 days with their recommendations to help us heal and chart our future.
But please do not let it stop there. Help us create a “container” in which we might find hopefulness by asking how you might contribute to the health and sustainability of our church and take that vision out into the world. We share a oneness but not a sameness; let us meet in that container.
— Patricia Wright
Leadership Development Should Not Wait
Before I launch into this month’s “topic,” I would like to highlight one of our devoted volunteers. Beverly Alison is the Champion of our art wall that not only brings beauty to Forbes Hall with monthly exhibits, but 20% of the sale of the art, which is donated to the church. Beverly’s contribution is a labor of love and she does it so well. We are grateful!
I have always been interested in leadership and governance. I believe that an organization needs good governance in order for leadership to develop and thrive. When Ken Brown presented his Governance Workshop on July 11, 2015, for our congregation, he mentioned that one important (but often neglected) Board function is leadership development. Board member Beth Brownlie brought that to light at the December 2015 Board meeting when she recommended (under New Business!) that the Board work on developing a clear path to leadership in the church.
At the January 13, 2015, Board meeting, the Board ratified a Policy Governance Statement of Wishes. These are aspirations we have for our church whether or not a policy-style governance is ultimately adopted. Three of the 12 wishes address leadership, namely:
• Inspired, energized leadership focused on UU Santa Monica mission
• Increased participation and leadership from volunteers who have freedom to move forward with good ideas, and are freed up to do the good work they want to do.
• Increased ability of leaders to focus on the future and the possibilities and potential rewards of change.
We have appointed a Governance Task Force (GTF). This is the group of people who carry the process forward by fashioning a proposal for change step by step. We welcome Barbara Kernochan, John Zinner, and Rhonda Peacock, along with Rev. Rebecca, as our Governance Task Force, but we heed Dan Hotchkiss’s words of caution. In his book “Governance and Ministry” he cautioned that a congregation can have only two or three big things on its agenda at a time. With our Congregational Assessment and our vote on finances on the immediate horizon, governance will need to wait its turn.
But leadership development should not wait. In the past, we have had a Membership and Leadership Committee that came out of Long Range Planning. (I even have an old PowerPoint about that!) We don’t have such a committee anymore because the leaders moved on. I think leadership development needs to be part of our infrastructure and supported by our governance.
Governance needs to fit the organization and for us the organization is our church; we long for a governance structure that can more clearly support the ministries and programs of UU Santa Monica. Let’s look at our governance and try to find a structure that fits the size of our congregation today and can help us grow into the future. That may or may not be Policy Governance. There are many governance structures that can help a church make sense of its programs and ministries and determine who is responsible for what.
But what drives all structures is that the governing body is responsible for the following:
• Creating a vision,
• Securing resources,
• Defining clear roles and responsibilities,
• Establishing benchmarks for performance and monitoring them, and
• Being accountable to key stakeholders.
Let’s try to find a way for our governance and our leadership to inspire each other. There are many resources available to guide us with leadership development. We invite expertise from our congregation to help us.
— Patricia Wright
A lot is going on in our congregation…
The Annual Pledge Drive is underway, beginning with the house parties that the Pledge Team has organized. Those who attended had a very positive response to meeting in a small group and having a meaningful exchange. One of the questions that facilitated a conversation from the heart at Rick and Peggy’s party was “What nourishes you about the community and are there ways you’d like to be nourished that you’re not?” If the purpose of fundraising is to build relationships as Kim Klein has stated in her Fundraising Forever workshop, then we have made positive strides.
What made the house parties work well were the calls and personal invitations, thanks to the efforts of the Pledge Team.
A series of three Town Halls have been planned and will be executed by the Board. These conversations with the congregation will lead up to the congregational vote on our finances at a business meeting on February 14, 2016. The theme of Town Hall 1 was the congregation’s vision for the future, namely what would YOU like to do with the ~$400,000 unrestricted savings from the Judy Federick and Drew Still bequests? A report based on the minutes of that meeting is included in this newsletter.
Town Hall 2 on December 6 will revisit the Committee on Money’s recommendations to be voted on individually at the February 14 meeting. Town Hall 2 will be presented as an overview of the Co$’s recommendations and will allow for questions and comments. Town Hall 3 on January 17, 2016, will present alternatives to the Co$ recommendations.
Our Committee on Ministry (CoM) and the Rev. Tera Little have taken brave steps to identify and address the level of conflict within our congregation. To that end, a proposal was presented to the Board to seek outside assistance from the UUA in the form of a Congregational Assessment to be conducted by staff from the Pacific West Region. The Board unanimously endorsed the request. There is a separate article on the next page of this newsletter that provides detail. We haven’t failed; we have so much to be proud of, but we can use a helping hand.
— Patricia Wright
Listening and Talking Compassionately
Our much anticipated workshop on “Connecting our Community through Listening and Talking Compassionately with One Another” took place in Forbes Hall on Saturday, October 3. It was an all day workshop with 61 people attending. Sue Stoyanoff and I along with the Committee on Ministry and the Board worked very hard to bring this important workshop to the congregation as part of our effort in the realm of Right Relations*. By all accounts it was very successful. Mary Mackenzie was a very effective facilitator. Attendees were engaged and enthused. Social hour after church Sunday morning was abuzz with reflections and enthusiasm for what we learned.
The day went like this: Opening and Introductions; Differentiating between Needs and Feelings, and Needs and Preferences; Self Empathy; Sharing Lunch Together; Empathy for Another Person; Asking for What You Want in a Positive Way. The model for the latter has four steps: Observation (just the facts with no judgment), Feelings (your emotions if appropriate), Need (clarifies why it matters to you), and Request (clarifies what you would like the other person to do — it should be directly related to need). Making a request is very important. This is the foundation of non-violent or compassionate communication. Sound easy? It’s not, but it’s a beginning when you find yourself approaching conversations a little differently — listening more carefully to yourself and others. It’s a place where I would like to be.
There was an exercise that really touched people. We stood in a circle and were invited to step forward with our feelings or fears about speaking up. What scares us about speaking our truth? One person might say, “I am afraid to speak up because I think people will be angry with me.” Those who shared the fear would step in and step back. Many, many stepped in to show that they shared feelings or fears about speaking up, even those who appear confident and sturdy. It was a powerful exercise that moved many people and bound us together.
Mary offered, “Let me know if you’d like to do more work with me. I’d love to come back. If money is the only thing holding you back from calling again, call anyway and we’ll work it out.” What a wonderful endorsement and offer!
http://tinyurl.com/p4elols is a link you may want to explore if you were unable to attend the workshop. Look to the left margin that says “Get Started with NVC.” Below it are many resources, some audio, some video, and articles, whose purpose is to orient people in the Nonviolent Communication “NVC” process. Mary will also be conducting an L.A.-based practice group in November and December and more. The venue is the Veterans Memorial Complex. I’ll share the details once I get them.
I am in Japan as I write this and appreciative that VP Dan Nannini conducted the October Board meeting. Ned is giving a talk at IPMU (Institute for the Physics and Mathematics of the Universe), which is in a suburb of Tokyo called Kashiwa-no-ha. Our hotel room has earthquake supplies in it!
— Patricia Wright
*Caveat: Right Relations is not based on NVC, but compassionate communication is an effective tool to speak the language of right relations.
Right Relations, Openness, and Financial Planning
On Saturday, September 12, the Board held its annual retreat in Long Beach. I flew in from French Polynesia for the event and I am glad that I did! It was a productive day couched in the spirit of covenant, mission, and ministry. A primary purpose of a retreat is to set goals. We set three SMART goals. A S.M.A.R.T. goal is defined as one that is specific, measurable, achievable, results-focused, and time-bound.
(1) Our first goal is our commitment to Right Relations, a theme that has been prevalent in our congregation since the congregation-wide visioning meetings of October 2013. Our facilitator for the Right Relations portion of our retreat was the Rev. Dr. Jonipher Kwong, Congregational Life Staff of UUA’s Pacific Western Region, available to us because of our Fair Share contributions to the UUA. We plan to develop a Covenant of Right Relations. We want to know how to call back into right relations, when right relations have floundered, the actual practice vs. the aspirational.
Our first step is to begin to develop the language of right relations. To that end, the Board and the Committee on Ministry are sponsoring a workshop on Compassionate Communication to be conducted by Mary Mackenzie on October 3.
The goal of a covenant and a right relations team may realistically extend beyond the next year but we will be working on it, led by the Committee on Ministry (or “Mission and Ministry Team,” as Rev. Kwong has suggested).
In the meantime, check out Friedman’s “Theory of FROM OUR PRESIDENT Right Relations, Openness, and
Financial Planning Differentiated Leadership Made Simple.” It’s funny and has a good message. Find it at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgdcljNV-Ew
(2) Our second goal falls under the notion of openness. The Board is committed to quarterly sessions with the congregation to provide an opportunity for Q&A, give and take, themed or open discussion.
The Board has also recognized the need to preserve and make available (in our newsletter, on our web page, and in folders maintained by the office as appropriate) the outcomes of meetings that are open to the entire congregation. An example is the Green Committee/Garden of Eternity meetings in which details of the planned garden were discussed and agreed upon, and eventually formulated as FAQs.
(3) Our third goal is to build upon the excellent work of the Committee on Money by incorporating more of mission and vision into our financial planning. Our goal is a strategic plan with financial and ministry goals that moves us towards a balanced budget, with interim goals that we can commit ourselves to. The Rev. Rick Hoyt-McDaniels of First Church Los Angeles facilitated this portion of our retreat.
We started serious discussions of our budget eight years ago. In 2007, the first phase of a multi-year Vision Budget developed by Long Range Planning (chaired by yours truly and facilitated by current Board member Rebecca Crawford) was incorporated into the budget and approved by the congregation at the 2007 Annual Meeting. Sadly, 2007 was followed by the economic collapse of 2008 and we all suffered. Still, a revisit to that plan underscores its vitality today, and we implemented many aspects of the plan and should celebrate those achievements.
Our timeline includes Town Hall meetings on November 1, December 6, and January 17, 2016, to discuss financial planning for the church. The Board will vote on its recommendations on January 12, the Board’s recommendations will be published by January 15, and there will be a Congregational meeting to vote on the
recommendations by February 15, 2016.
— Patricia Wright