"The Safest Place"

All kinds of uncertainties and expectations accompany someone entering this sanctuary for the first time. Coming into a religious community, especially an unfamiliar one, is always a brave and adventurous step to take. It is a step propelled by need: a yearning for affiliation, for meaning, for strength.

Anytime we cross the threshold of a church, each of us, no matter who we are or how long we have been coming, may feel vulnerable and need the safety of this place. A sanctuary ­ by definition a place of refuge set aside, and holy ­ offers shelter and nurturance. It should be safe.

I remember so vividly my own feelings as a child, sitting in the modest sanctuary of my home church with my parents, imagining that nothing bad ­ like nuclear war ­ could happen on Sunday morning. I have often told you how formative that security was, how comforting for a child with a bad case of nuclear anxiety. I suppose I have carried those feelings over into my wish that everyone ­ child or adult ­ could feel as safe and inviolate as I once did.

I was lucky. Fortunately for me, nothing ever happened at church to disabuse me of my fantasy. As we all know, that is not the case, tragically, for so many children. As the horrifying story of child sexual abuse in the Roman Catholic church has unfolded on the front pages of our daily newspapers, it has shown us how safety is critical to the integrity of a religious community. Safety is the foundation and the prerequisite of a healthy church ­ and healthy people. Safety is a core value of a faith community. It brings trust and wholeness. When it is breached, someone is hurt and everyone is affected.

The Rev. Thomas Mikelson, minister of First Parish in Cambridge, Massachusetts, once wrote, "In our congregations, we expect to be safe, not to have to be constantly on guard, as we have to be often in daily life, against the possibilities of exploitation and abuse. Spiritual growth leads persons back and forth between the faith community and the work outside, between risk and security, being tested and being nurtured. The rhythm of spiritual life is supported best by the sort of safety which is rarely found outside of religious community. "

The fact that we gather in communities of faith suggests, beyond our hunger for spiritual growth, a need for the safety which allows us to let down defenses which usually stand in the way of self-examination. We can allow ourselves to be vulnerable only when we are reasonably confident that others in our communities will not take advantage of our vulnerability."

This need and this expectation of safety unspoken though they may be, attend us the first time we come to church and each time ever after, whatever our age. How well we live up to it and how wisely we secure it for our children may reflect quite precisely the integrity of our community and our faith. And talking about it makes all the difference. It is secrecy that has broken the trust between faithful Roman Catholics and their church, a trust that may never be restored.

Making a church a safe place takes the good will and good intentions of the people who inhabit it. It takes specific policies and procedures to protect the most vulnerable of our members, our children. It takes agreements among us all about what it means to be in right relationship with one another. And it takes leadership to assume responsibility for the good and the bad that can happen among us.

In case you¹re wondering, "Why now? Has something happened?" Let me assure you that nothing has happened and our safety policies are strong. I can also tell you, however, that I have had the responsibility of reporting an incident of child sexual abuse in another church I served, many years ago. I know it can and does happen to good people in Unitarian Universalist congregations.

I also know that some of you may be survivors of abuse, and know all too well how vulnerable a child can be and how arduous the work to heal. If anything you hear this morning makes you want to talk about this issue with me, please let me know. A safe place helps people heal.

The safest place of all does everything it can to prevent abuse from happening. Our religious education program has several policies of which you should all be aware. One is that our activities for children take place in groups. Two adults must be present at all times. This policy increases the number of volunteers we must recruit, but it is essential for safety. In addition, we ask all our teachers to read and sign a "code of ethics." This policy, designed by the Unitarian Universalist Association for adults who work with children and youth, describes the attitudes and boundaries that people agree to observe as volunteers in a religious education program.

We are stepping up our screening policies. Child care workers who come to us from Santa Monica College have already been screened. Your ministers are carefully investigated before being accepted into Ministerial Fellowship. Our church Personnel Committee is working on a system to provide background checks for others, possibly for all staff.

There are other policies we may implement in the coming year. Unitarian Universalist guidelines suggest asking new members to wait six months before volunteering to work with children, for example. We are also learning about programs for children and training for adults that teach children how to protect themselves and let each other know when we are uncomfortable with another's behavior. Education and openness are essential to a safe congregation. And each of us has a role in helping it be one. A place should be safe not only for children, but for everyone. Children are the most vulnerable members of our church. Their safety is primary, but our responsibility does not end with them. Membership in a faith community also implies certain agreements about how we will relate to one another.

Spiritual growth, as Thomas Mikelson wrote, can take place only in an atmosphere of trust, where people can be vulnerable and open. Acceptance and encouragement should be the norm. If we seek this acceptance and encouragement, however, we should also extend it to others. Constructive participation in small groups and committees relies on reciprocity and consideration.

Living up to the idea of right relationship ­ a relationship characterized by mutual respect and care ­ is an agreement we make when we join this faith community. We may not speak of it in those terms, though we refer to our principle of "the inherent worth and dignity of every person," but the commitment is implicit. Perhaps we should make it explicit. What makes a church safe is how we treat one another.

We are deeply affected by each other's behavior. In the book I read to the children, one slight on a rainy day sets off a chain reaction of angry dismissals and insults. It can be like that at church too. We are more connected ­ and more sensitive to each other ­ than we think.

Such days as the one recounted in The Quarreling Book happen to all of us. In a safe place, as in the book, hurt feelings are readily healed and good relations are restored. I hope our church is that kind of safe place.

We all know that policies and agreements cannot legislate safety. Nothing can. But speaking openly about what it means for our church to be safe is always helpful, because it reminds us of who we are to each other and what we are trying to be together. The concept of a safe place can be an active ideal, helping to guide us whenever we gather together. Some of you may wonder what has happened to trust if safety must be promoted with rules and policies. But rules and policies make trust possible. Speaking openly about what we can do to safeguard our community builds trust too. If there is one thing to be learned from the crisis in the Roman Catholic church, it is that secrecy destroys trust and only honesty can rebuild it.

As people of faith, we affirm the value of honesty, even when the truth shows us our flaws. We recognize that we are responsible for the trust and mutual respect that ensure the quality of our community. We agree that each one of us has a role in making this community the safest place it can be, where all people, of all ages, can live and grow in the spirit of our faith.

References used to prepare this sermon include Creating Safe Congregations: Toward an Ethic of Right Relations, edited by Patricia Hoertdoerfer and William Sinkford (Boston: Unitarian Universalist Association, 1997); Reducing the Risk of Child Sexual Abuse in Your Church, by Richard R. Hammar, Steven W. Klipowicz, & James F. Cobble, Jr. (Matthews, North Carolina: Church Law and Tax Report, 1993).