"Thanksgiving Message"

Just as the days begin to close in on us, and the winter colds and flu descend, and the holiday shopping season begins even earlier than the year before, along comes one aspect of the season we all really like: Thanksgiving. Many people declare that this is their favorite holiday, its absence of religious trappings a relief, and its message something everyone can embrace. Even its history, not all of which is laudable, has given way to contemporary interpretations that are meaningful to most of us.

Another reason why we like Thanksgiving is that it does not impose any one form of observance upon us. The image of the family gathered around the table, about to carve a perfectly cooked turkey, may still offer up a cultural norm. But here in Los Angeles, and quite likely many other places as well, not all Thanksgivings will even try to look like that. The food may be different. So may the family gathered around the table. And instead of family there may be a group of friends, or an assortment of strangers.

Even food doesn’t have to be part of Thanksgiving. Neither does getting together with people. You can take all the customs out of the holiday and still be left with something to enjoy.

I can imagine someone having a very nice Thanksgiving taking a long walk on the beach. Or sitting by the fire reading a book. Or teaching a child to ride a bike. What matters is whether it feels like Thanksgiving to you.

Several years ago, shortly after I moved to California, I overheard a conversation on the mat next to me in the gym. People were talking about the holidays and what they were planning to do. “We don’t do family,” replied one woman, in a tossed-off casual way. I was struck by the lack of longing – or guilt – in her voice. More than that seemed to be missing, however. I could not tell what Thanksgiving meant to her. I wondered what she “did” instead of family.

With or without family, Thanksgiving is an opportunity to do something meaningful with a small but intentional time-out. I like how Victoria Safford describes her family’s “table blessing,” in which for just a few moments they become more fully aware and quiet and true to themselves. That would be a good Thanksgiving too. Even beyond Thanksgiving, however, there is the universal and human need to step away from everyday life

The island of Bali is part of Indonesia, the largest Muslim country in the world. Yet the Balinese have maintained their own religion, a home-grown mixture of Hinduism and animism, and some customs that are completely local. One of the most important days of the year on Bali is called Nyepi, the day of silence. It is also the Balinese new year, which takes place in the spring.

The night before the new year, loud processions, accompanied by firecrackers and music, arouse the evil spirits and demons and get their attention. The day of silence that follows all this activity tricks the evil spirits and demons into thinking that no one is left and they should take their afflictions elsewhere. The bad element leaves the island. Bali is purified and ready for a fresh start and a new year.

When David and I visited Bali, we knew nothing about Nyepi, and it really isn’t a tourist experience. We were set to leave the day before, so we observed only the preparation, not the actual day itself. But it was all we heard about for weeks. “Will you be staying for Nyepi?” they all asked. All the Balinese were looking forward to it, and not because they necessarily believed in the idea of driving out evil spirits and demons, but because it was a day of complete and total inactivity, a self-imposed time-out.

On Nyepi, you don’t eat or cook. You don’t use electricity. You don’t leave the family compound. Travelers have no choice but to do the same, as hotels and restaurants, even the airport closes for the day.

Yet there was something about this shared experience of doing nothing that everyone cherished. If we could have stayed, we would have – just to see what that is like. To this day, I feel I missed something important in Bali, because I missed Nyepi. And that is strange in a way, since it’s the one day when nothing happens.

Actually, quite a lot happens when the Balinese are doing nothing. For not only do they trick the bad spirits into leaving town, but they meet the new year refreshed and awake. I would like to know how to do that.

Victoria Safford’s table blessing ritual with her family also leads to “self-imposed time-out” for centering and reflection. She describes how quiet times can be very productive. Her family comes to dinner at night, “tattered” from work and school. Their table blessing gives them a moment to remember that small things, like being aware, being quiet, and slowing down, are important. And in that moment, gratitude wells up – so much so that it is almost overwhelming. The small things are really big things. What could be bigger, after all, than being able to remember your “true and real life,” as she says? And the big things, like the family coming together at the table, sharing love and strength, are acknowledged and appreciated. “We are together,” she writes, “our circle invincible in this one holy moment . . . . We are home, we have food.”

We like to observe Thanksgiving because it is a time to remember what matters in life. It’s a time to think about small things that are really big things and big things we take for granted. Even if your holiday is a frenzy of activity and not a contemplative time-out, find a way to let its meaning come through.

Thanksgiving lends itself to many interpretations. You can find meaning as the Pilgrims did, grateful for their survival and for the harvest to see them through the winter. For we are grateful for our lives too. You can find meaning as those who surround themselves with loved ones do. Give thanks at your table for the bonds of human connection that sustain us all. You can find meaning as those who reflect on the change of season, the coming of winter and the darkest time. Let the quiet time nurture you and slow you down for the days to come.

At Thanksgiving, it is hard not to notice how abundant our lives are, although not always in the things we really need. Use the time to think about balance and the yearning of your soul. It is a day to remember – as if we could forget – that humankind is not at peace. We can hope for peace in the heart and home as a beginning to peace in the world.

All these meanings of Thanksgiving are good and true and I’m sure there are others as well, meanings that you remember and I have forgotten. What matters is to let your meaning sit with you for a while, until you are “infused,” as Victoria Safford describes it. “We are infused, and time is infused, and something wells up,” she writes. “Something like gratitude wells up, overflowing, nigh unto overwhelming.”

That is why we have Thanksgiving, and why these times are set aside. For when we remember “our true and real life,” we remember why we are thankful. In this moment – in this place – we are thankful. If you cannot find the moment or the place just yet, then remember: you can always have a table blessing.

Thanks to Victoria Safford, author of Walking Toward Morning, (published by Skinner House Books, Unitarian Universalist Association, Boston, MA, in 2003). Her meditation “Table Blessing” comes from this book.