"Our Whole Lives"

There is an exquisite scene at the close of the recent film, "Kinsey." The film tells the story of the life of Albert Kinsey, the entomologist who turned to researching human sexual behavior and published his findings in best-sellers that changed the way people understood sexuality forever. His career was controversial, and in the film he questions towards the end whether his work has made any difference.

In the closing scene, a middle-aged woman confides in him that her attraction for another woman left her feeling shame and confusion. Unable to discuss her secret with anyone, her despair mounted. She became an alcoholic. She felt her life was over.

But then, after reading Kinsey's book, she realized that she was not alone - that many healthy, normal people also felt as she did. This information gave her the courage to tell her friend how she felt. Much to her surprise and delight, she discovered that her friend felt the same way. Her face beams with love and something I can only describe as grace. What a difference, after all.

Kinsey's work in the mid-twentieth century was revelatory in its description of human sexual behavior, which turned out to be far more diverse than anyone had ever realized. This information had the power to liberate people, as it did for the woman in the film, who learned that she was not alone. Even raw data held out hope for people yearning for reassurance.

Information can help us find the truth, about ourselves and about what it means to live a good life - but not all the time. These days, we have lots of information about sexuality available to us. The media and the marketplace are saturated with sexual images, many of which are unwelcome, but formative all the same. Some of this information misguides us, encourages irresponsible behavior, and undermines self-esteem. We need help sorting out the healthy and life-affirming messages from the exploitative, commercial, and sometimes even violent ones that flood our daily lives.

Just as dangerous is sex education material presented as scientific information, but is actually misinformation intended to support a specific social agenda. One example is the abstinence-only approach, currently used in many faith-based and community programs for young people. Our government currently gives $170 million a year towards such programs. A December, 2004 report from our Representative Henry A. Waxman, titled "The Content of Federally Funded Abstinence-Only Programs," alerts us to the fact that "over 80%" of such programs "contain false, misleading, or distorted information about reproductive health." The report is alarming in the scope of misinformation covered: false information about contraception, and about the risks of abortion; blurring of religion and science; promotion of "stereotypes about girls and boys as scientific fact," and numerous scientific errors. The conclusion: "Serious and pervasive problems with the accuracy of abstinence-only curricula may help explain why these programs have not been shown to protect adolescents from sexually transmitted diseases and why youth who pledge abstinence are significantly less likely to make informed choices when they do have sex." Lack of information puts everyone at risk.

Against this backdrop: the commercial exploitation of sexuality, and the real risks youth and adults encounter when they are poorly informed, liberal religious communities such as our own have stepped up to provide a humane alternative. "Our Whole Lives," or OWL, our sexuality education program for children, youth and adults, reflects our conviction that good information is the path to safe, loving, and responsible sexual behavior. Implicit in our approach is the assumption that the more we know about healthy sexuality, the more likely we will be to practice it. And that includes our teenagers, who learn through the OWL program that it is healthier for them to wait before engaging in sexual intercourse. What OWL offers is information grounded in liberal religious values. It teaches our young people how to express their respect for the inherent worth and dignity of all persons by making considerate and responsible choices in their behavior and relationships. At the same time, it teaches them that sexuality and spirituality are connected. Our sexuality is part of creation, a "sacred gift," as Debra Haffner described it, to be celebrated and nurtured.

Today we celebrate that we have installed OWL, at all five developmental levels, from kindergarten to adult, into the life of our church. Our church is one of the few congregations that has achieved lifespan OWL programming. Our dedicated volunteers deserve much of the recognition for this accomplishment. But it wouldn't have happened without all our support - from voting the budget expenditure for training to getting our young people, the first participants in the program, to church each week. That first group is now a tightly-knit high school group, about to begin another level of OWL. One class for eighth and ninth graders and another for tenth to twelfth graders begin today. We can all appreciate the value of sexuality education for the young people in our congregation. But we have been slower to see its benefit for ourselves, as adults. Having made it through the travails of adolescence and young adulthood, we may think we know all we need to know about ourselves. Perhaps we've found our niche, single or married, while the demands of our lives keep us too busy for further self-examination. And yet, one of the components of this lifespan education program is a series of workshops for adults. No, I haven't taken it yet either. Let's look together at why it might be good if every one of us did.

Who among us couldn't benefit from learning more about how to express our liberal religious values in the most intimate dimensions of our lives? At the same time, "Our Whole Lives" emphasizes that sexuality is not just sexual activity. That's an important point - and not just for the teenagers. Our sexuality goes beyond activity, to the heart of who we are. It is our essence and our identity. It is, to use the words from the children's story I read earlier, "just because I am." It is our body and our spirit. It is our self-esteem, our capacity for intimacy and mutuality, our spirituality, and our personal responsibility. It is our life, our whole life. And our faith community should have a role in teaching us about it.

Every one of us, single or partnered, old or young, heterosexual or gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender - has more to learn about who we are as sexual and spiritual beings. As one of our OWL trainers said, you can't have an examined life if you don't examine this aspect of it. Sexuality is too central to who we are to be marginalized; it is too essential to life to be dismissed.

To place sexuality education in the context of a faith community is to give us a safe and wholesome place in which to learn about ourselves. According to Unitarian Universalist minister and sexuality educator Debra Haffner, a church like ours has an obligation to understand what it means to be a sexually healthy community. I read earlier from the document that lists what the components are. A sexually healthy community affirms our liberal religious values, values all persons, including children and youth, and respects the diversity we find among us. It also recognizes that "fostering spiritual, sexual and emotional health" is part of our mission, as is our ongoing work as a Welcoming Congregation. And it acknowledges the need to minister to those whose sexuality has been broken.

That need - to help each other heal the wounds that come from living in a world that is not a sexually healthy place; to raise our young to be safe and sure of themselves; to speak the truth about sexuality when silence has hurt so many - that need can only be met when we have the information and the commitment to use it well together. What we have created in this church, with the skill of our OWL trainers, the support of our parents and youth, and the good will of all who understand how vital this work is, is a path that all may follow, whatever their age or situation. May we learn what it has to teach us about this sacred gift we have received from life itself.

Resources used to prepare this sermon include all volumes of the "Our Whole Lives" curriculum, including the companion manuals "Sexuality and Our Faith" and "The Advocacy Manual for Sexuality Education, Health and Justice: Resources for Communities of Faith," all published by the Unitarian Universalist Association and the United Church Board for Homeland Ministries, Boston. In addition, I consulted "The Content of Federally Funded Abstinence-Only Education Programs," prepared by the U.S. House of Representatives Committee on Government Reform - Minority Staff, Special Investigations Division, for Rep. Henry A. Waxman, December 2004.