"Church 101 "

Church member Ofelia Lachtman has provided a steady presence at our monthly Newcomer Orientation meetings for over a dozen years now, welcoming visitors and answering questions about our church and what it means to belong. A while back, she decided that it was important to speak to newcomers about the mutual expectations involved in church membership. "You have expectations of us," she usually starts out, speaking of the desire for a welcoming community. Then she adds, "We have expectations of you too." She talks about the importance of coming to Sunday services, of exploring the opportunities for spiritual growth and education, of providing service, and of contributing financial support.

When we first introduced this idea into our Newcomer Orientation, we wondered whether people would be put off by the statement that we expected something of them just as they expected something of us. Would we sound pushy and demanding? But it quickly became clear that newcomers appreciate a direct and clear expression of what we ask each other to do when we become part of this community. It's exactly what they need to know about us - and about themselves.

People join our church because they want to serve - to offer their talent, such as our musicians this morning. We all have a need to give. Most of us realize, instinctively, that it is through giving of ourselves that we receive the greatest fulfillment.

People bring a wide variety of needs to church. Often a life crisis or transition triggers that first visit, a tentative step over the threshold to see what awaits. Everyone has the right to expect a friendly welcome here, and a sense of comfort and compassion from our faith. But people who are feeling vulnerable, wounded even, have a need to give as well as to heal. Often enough, healing comes from giving.

So let it be said: we expect to give of ourselves. You don't need exceptional talent or leadership ability, or a love of meetings and committee work. You need only yourself and the desire to be of service. If you haven't found your niche just yet, keep looking; ask someone for help; try something different.

Making explicit the expectations we have of each other as members of this church is more than attending to the mechanics of running an organization, however. Expectations stimulate self-awareness and growth. We expect you to be stirred by the experiences you have here, wherever you find them: while reflecting during meditation, or working with our children, or serving coffee in Forbes Hall. They aren't programmed - they just happen. One church member recently told me that she learned the truth about herself here, through her relationships with other people. Others have noted how their faith has changed over time, through the slow and quiet process of listening and reading and searching for what is true. They experience these as positive developments in their lives, that came about because they belong to this community. So let it also be said: we expect to grow and change - for the better.

No one stays the same, even if they try, but here we try for growth and change aligned with the values we cultivate. These values inevitably move us towards others, causing us to look beyond ourselves, sensitized by compassion and awakened to injustice. We expect each other to give and to grow, but we also expect to move outward into the larger community. Service does not begin and end with volunteering at church.

A couple of weeks ago, during our Coming of Age service, one of the young participants said that our first principle, "the inherent worth and dignity of every person," was permanently imprinted in her mind. That's good. We want her to remember that, always.

And we do start early. Social justice is an essential component of our children's program. Our most popular activities are intergenerational, such as sorting food at the West Side Food Bank. Service, social reform, and activism are foundational to our faith tradition, and we expect to find ways to get involved as members of this church. So let it be said: we expect to serve the larger community,
not only take care of ourselves.

Among Unitarian Universalist churches, including our own, a movement known as "small group ministry" has been slowly taking hold, leading both the eager and the skeptical into a transforming interpersonal experience. In small group ministry, people agree to meet together guided by a simple format, and state their intentions about how they will be present to one another. Once the group is working well together, the members choose how they will serve the church and the larger community.

Those of you who are involved in small group ministry here have probably already noticed that the expectations I speak of today are much the same as the ones you have: Give of yourselves, grow and change for the better, serve your communities. It's a recurring theme because it is how our faith tradition works, and it is what everyone should know if they want to join us.

And we want others to join us. The addition of each new person strengthens each of us. We believe that our faith is something to share, and to experience in fellowship with one another.

Because we are a community, we are guided by relational values - spoken and unspoken. "The inherent worth and dignity of every person," is not simply a statement of principle. It implies an ethic of relationship. Belonging to this congregation also means that we agree to be together as members of a religious democracy. Mutual respect, tolerance of differences, and equal worth, all values we cherish, are also behaviors we try to live. Let me be the first to say that it is not easy to live up to these values. But this is what we are trying to do, however flawed or bumbling, and occasionally brilliant, our attempts may be. We all struggle with the challenges of being individuals in relationship to a larger reality. Yet from that tension we learn all we really can know about faith.

Each of us - individual, sometimes even solitary - belongs to this larger reality - this group of other individuals we call the congregation. Gathered together we sense the power and the goodness of our common humanity, the powerful bonds we share and the good will we bear towards each other. Whether we are strangers or friends does not matter. What we see and know and yes, even believe in - is that we are all related to one another. How we honor that relationship is what it means for us to have faith.

Belonging to a church like ours is a smaller, human-scale version of belonging to our vast universe, the largest reality of all. We can see how, on a person to person level, it makes such a difference how we treat each other. Here we confront the challenges of relatedness: can we learn to forgive each other when we have been hurt? can we speak up when intimidated, comfort someone in pain, put up with the minor and major annoyances of other people, and still maintain our good will, and our high expectations? That is what we are trying to do; keeping the faith, together.

The small and large discoveries we make here, among each other, or out in the world, living our values, are glimpses into "what it means to be human." They teach us truths that are personal and individual, about who we are and what we have to give and receive from others. We learn how relationships transform us. We grow from the challenge of keeping our commitments to one another, of changing over time, and of growing old together.

Some of you, listening to this description, may wonder what makes our church different from any other organization, such as a club or advocacy group. We are only one of many worthy institutions rooted in fine values and set to change the world. The difference I see comes in part from our religious heritage and its attributes. But the most important difference is the one that each of you brings with you: your willingness to invest yourself in a community that exists so that each of us may give and receive, grow and change, and do our part to make the world a better place.

The difference is all about your expectations. If you bring your good heart, your hope, your search for truth, and your hunger for justice, what you find here you cannot find anywhere else. The very presence of each other in our lives, expecting the best, daring to know and be known, is an irreproducible circumstance - a glimpse of something timeless and universal, that we can know only through time and personal experience.

I can't say it any other way. Here is all we have to know what we can know of the holy - and whatever we believe or refuse to believe, what we have is each other. We expect a lot of each other - and ourselves. That is why we area church. Let it be said, we give thanks for each other.