Last weeek when I was considering the topic of self-forgiveness, I came across this quote by singer/songwriter Leonard Cohen. He writes:

Ring the bells,that still can ring, 
Forget your perfect offering. 
There is a crack in everything, 
That's how the light gets in.

I thought these words summed up the topic of self-forgiveness nicely. It seems to me that self-forgiveness is so difficult because our fervent desire to be the perfect offering, to give the perfect version of ourselves to the world, gets in the way.

But when things go wrong, if we are able to admit to ourselves that the version of ourselves that we had hoped to hold out to the world did not come through, and that we are guilty of anything from ourright aggression to subtle tone violations that barely register on the social radar, and if we can value the perspectives of others the way we would value the facets of a brilliant diamond, that is when we enter the crack that lets the light in.

That is when we ring the bells that still can ring. And that's where the real learning and real change take place, in the audacity of choosing to forgive ourselves and leave guilt behind. In the five years that I have been a parent, I sometimes have felt like self-forgiveness on steroids, and that the crack that lets the light in has become a gaping maw.

But be that as it may, forgiving myself and moving on has been the path of change and understanding for me, and I'm happy to say that self-forgiveness gets easier with practice.

So today, I light the chalice in honor or all of us letting go of that perfect offering when it doesn't happen, and having the courage to let the light in.