Newsletter for November, 2018

Month: 
Nov 2018
From Our Minister: 

To the Glory of Life
THEME OF THE MONTH: MEMORY

 
Dear Friends,
 
My religion is a good memory. And it’s come to me, a bit at a time. Scraps of synaptic data carefully culled together. There is an art to it that I admire. I liken a good memory to what painters or sculptors, or musicians or gardeners try to do: be as true as they can to the medium in which they’re working. Like artists, I want to work with what I’ve got and capture it honestly. If it’s bad, then paint it to look bad. If it’s confusing or chaotic or romantic or selfish or exciting or sublime, give it that shape by fitting together the parts strewn along the path I’ve taken. Do it in a way that others – years from now – will know my life in all its nuance and complexity. And when I compose the soundtrack, make sure it has whatever soul-stirring melody as well as that dissonant screaming solo. If it still puts a lump in my throat or opens my eyes in the middle of a dream, I want to make sure that’s the way I write it in the score. I believe if I want anyone to truly know and fully appreciate me, or – more importantly – accept, love and respect me, then I need the integrity to make sure my memory is photographically accurate. I hope they’ll see that I tried to turn the picture and get multiple frames of reference as I went.
 
I’ve discovered that having a good memory is not convenient. Or comfortable. And where, in the past, I’ve failed to be careful carrying out attention to detail, I was often left with random images and fragments that had lost sequence with my other memories. The parts that don’t integrate – where edges don’t match, or the terrain goes from rough to smooth too easily and characters appear or disappear without explanation – these things bother a good memory.
 
When I was a little boy, I put comfort in charge of my memory. It wasn’t until years later, with hindsight, I figured out this was a mistake. Comfort only liked to save the bits where I looked good: where I was handed the trophy in Little League, or received mentions in the school paper, or the got all As on report cards. The problem with this turned out to be that all my report cards were just clips and fragments because I had clipped out all the parts in the commentary, the re-marks under the ‘high-marks’, where my teacher wondered why I talked so much during lessons or could never remember my homework.
 
The hardest thing about putting comfort in charge was all the things it couldn’t explain. I didn’t realize until later that Trauma and Shame had keys to the room where my memories were stored. They left things, often just by painting them on the walls (so they couldn’t be removed). At the time I chalked it up to vandalism. Those things were so out of place! They weren’t me! What I failed to account for was how compulsive and round the clock comfort was working to hide or bury anything that disagreed with its editorial content. Comfort often posted and ‘liked’ submissions of food, and it put out countless calls for content to run like advertisements. It especially sought episodes of reckless adventure. Or manufactured intimacy (a cheap knock-off of Love) which I began to feel obliged to provide.
 
When there weren’t enough comfort-approved entries in my memory to cover things left by trauma or shame, a group was formed called the Perfection Committee. Their job was to denounce anything submitted by anyone other than comfort. And a consortium was created from two partners – Addictions Inc. – which organized stealthy, impulsive expeditions to pursue pleasure and comfort, and Confabulation Enterprises, whose job it was to dress up ordinary and mundane entries to look better than they were. Unfortunately, the work of the Consortium wasn’t careful and kept getting reported to Wasted Time Management, a division of Self-Loathing.
 
Eventually, a very expensive team was brought in called Worth and Dignity Unlimited. They insisted on going through everything ever submitted to memory. They dug out things that had been mislabeled, had never been filed, or simply weren’t remembered correctly. They studied every single submission with the goal of not filing it until it was fully understood, accepted, and appreciated. After a few years working with them, they provided integrity. All the rough edges started to fit together. Fewer and fewer gaps or discrepancies appeared and a useful map began to come into view.
 
The Dali Lama says his religion is kindness. We’re on the same page because I believe a good memory IS kindness. At least, integrity is an indispensable step toward it, because in order to reveal kindness around us, we need to feel it within us. Who we are and what we know becomes what we show and what we do. If we lie to ourselves, we lie to others. But we can never really fool anyone.
 
What we’re seeing all around our culture, with claims of “fake news”, compiling contradictions, and playing fast and loose with facts, is simply a failure to integrate our internal reality with the world around us. It is the result of having our own memory managed in chaotic fashion, which leads to a surplus of internal loathing that breaks all containment and spills out in a flood of loathing unto the world.
 
I like this quote in our hymnal by Thoreau. I especially like substituting the word “truth” for “life”.
 
“I did not wish to live what was not [truth], living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of [truth], to live so… as to put to rout all that was not [truth], to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive [truth] into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.”
 
I call us all to the religion of kindness and integrity – of making truth from our life, because that is what religion asks us to do. It asks us to see that it is not always comfortable. Turning trauma and shame into something we can accept and appreciate requires the transformative power of love, and it requires the amazing company of people who know it is not addiction or confabulation that make life what we want. It is acceptance, understanding, and the truth of our word and deed. When we do this in our memory, then what comes from our lives will always lead us with integrity.
 
To the Glory of Life.
News & Announcements: 

Thanksgiving Feast Saturday, November 17 at 6 pm

 
Thanksgiving FeastJoin our church community at our annual all-church Thanksgiving feast as we give thanks for all that is our life. Sign up in Forbes Hall after services starting November 4, or contact Kathy Cook (check your directory for contact information). All are welcome. Plan to bring traditional food and choose a volunteer job. We also need several people to cook turkeys.
 
If you sign up and then are unable to attend, pleasure notify Kathy Cook so there will be room for others.
 
 

Holiday Office Closing Schedule

 
Church offices will be closed on the following dates:
 
• Monday, November 12 for observation of Veterans Day
• Thursday, November 22 and Friday, November 23 for Thanksgiving Holiday
• Tuesday, December 25 for Christmas Day
• Tuesday, January 1, 2019 for News Years Day

Pageant Time!

 
Please sign up to play a moving part or to sing in our new pageant to be held December 23 for both Sunday services: the tentative title is“Joseph, Mary, Bethlehem, a Manger, Angeles, and All That.” Contact Kathleen Hogue, uusmdre@gmail.com – and remember the pancake breakfast Saturday, December 22 for all pageant participants and RE families!
 

Garden of Eternity. Donate a brick engraved with your loved one’s name

 
BrickMemorialEngrave bricks at $500 per brick.
 
You may click here to complete the order form on our website, or you may download the form by clicking here. Order forms are also available at the church front office. You may leave the completed form and your contribution in the Church Administrator’s mailbox.
 
 
 

D4$ “Beauty and the Beast” Sing-Along Saturday, Nov. 10
FOR KIDS OF ALL AGES

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Bonjour! Beauties, Beasts, and all Villagers in between are welcome to sing-along until the last petal drops on Saturday evening, November 10. The Beauty and the Beast Sing-Along (2017 live action version) gives the chance to belt out your favorites and there’s always rollicking fun with audience commentary. (Be loud and proud, Lefou!)
 
All-you-can-eat gourmet hotdogs from Let’s Be Frank start at 5 pm, so come early. Popcorn, candy, water, and sodas are all included. New this year: opportunity prizes! One chance with entry; extra tickets $1 each. Win some fun Beauty and the Beast swag.
 
The movie starts around 5:45 pm; definitely by 6.
 
Thanks to our Dining for Dollars hosts Patrick Meighan and Amy Thiel, the price for all this is a pre-purchased D4$ reservation or a donation at the door: suggested $15.
 
Ball gowns, beast’s claws, and other costumes optional, but most welcome. Join us for an enchanting evening.
 
 
 
Faith in Action News: 

Faith in Action Phone Bank Supporting Voting Restoration in Florida

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
UUSM will help support Florida’s revolutionary Voting Restoration Amendment (Amendment 4) on the state ballot this November with a phone bank on Saturday, October 27, 2018 from 9 am to noon at the church.
 
Florida is one of only four states that ban convicted felons from voting for the rest of their lives. This measure would return the right to vote to Floridians who have done their time and paid their debts by completing their entire sentence – including any probation, parole, and restitution. Nearly 1.4 million people are currently disenfranchised. The amendment would not apply to those convicted of murder or sexual offenses.
 
UUSM joins our friend, erstwhile congregant, and Sunshine State UU, Brig Johnson, who has asked us to help win back the right to vote for over a million people in Florida. Join us to phone bank Saturday, October 27 from 9 am to noon in Forbes Hall Upstairs Rm 1.
 
 
Splinters from the Board: 

Board Prepares for Annual Retreat

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
The UUSM Board of Directors met on Tuesday, October 9.
 
After check-in, the business meeting began with the unsettling news that our treasurer, Kim Andres, has resigned. The Nominating Committee will be looking for a successor. Some of the circumstances leading to this news will be a subject for the board retreat.
 
Some of the additional topics for the retreat will include what Rev. Greg refers to in his report as “Big Rocks” – institutional priorities that rise above  day-to-day management issues. Many of these are related to leadership development.
 
There was a discussion/review of the Board Development Day. This included exercises in trust and relationship development. One notable comment was to realize that we are not alone in our challenges. A presentation at the event that was quite useful concerned the elements of trust from Brené Brown. For those who are interested, the presentation is available online as “Braving.”

(If the above video doesn’t play, please view on the www.oprah.com website at http://www.oprah.com/own-supersoulsessions/brene-brown-the-anatomy-of-trust-video)

Our intern minister, Robin Stillwater, is working toward establishing/reactivating a Young Adults Program and setting up a restricted fund to help with its activities. A discussion of the specifics was delayed until next month, when Robin can attend the board meeting. Meanwhile, if you are in the 18-35 age group and are interested in being involved with this program, please talk with Robin.

Pledge receipts are generally doing well, but reflect a need to have less reliance on large donors. A discussion on the topic also included some clarifications as to how the Sustainability Fund is reflected in the operating budget vs. the balance sheet – available to members in “Board Documents” on the church website.

The board ratified the recommendations of the Nominating Committee for additional members for the Investment Committee: Steve White and Garland Allen. NomComm is looking for an additional Investment member. This committee will be developing an investment plan for submission to the board and finance committee.

There were no new members in September.

Attempts to decrease the amount of paper associated with board meetings are a work in progress. The board is wrestling with how to make all board documents available online to interested parties, and intends to resolve this soon.

 

RE News: 

From Our DRE:
I Love Where My Journey Has Led Me

African Proverb: “Se wo were fi na wosankofa a yenkyi,” which translates as: “It is not wrong to go back for that which you have forgotten.” 

For my credentialing program I am taking an online course through the UUA called UU Identity.  UU identity is formed as a process of development across the lifespan which unfolds through a combination of personal heritage, culture, and lived experiences.  It also includes our principles, sources and our rich UU history. 

My husband Albert used to love the quote from George Santayana… “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” He also loved everything history related, especially the wars. Ironically, he passed away of Alzheimer’s disease about six years ago. I am not a fan of the doom and gloom warning quote.  I like to think of the past in a more positive light. 

After only two sessions in my class I am already seeing how all the components that make up our identity are related, but in particular, history’s connection to who we are today. Soul Matters puts it this way: “Remembering those who have gone before and the guidance they have for us today helps you reclaim and remember many of your own stories and treasures long forgotten.” When we tell stories of “past heroes” we don’t just honor them, we increase our ability to act like them.”

Here are some important figures from our UU History that I would like to lift up:

James Luther Adams- (Nov. 12, 1901- July 26, 1994) was a Unitarian parish minister and a Meadville Lombard Theological Divinity School professor for more than 40 years. He is recognized as one of the preeminent Christian social ethicists and theologians of the 20th century. He emphasized personal and institutional behavior as the locus of meaning in religious belief. He was also a labor activist and civil rights advocate. 

Francis David – (1520 – Nov. 15, 1579) was a Unitarian preacher from Transylvania, the founder of the Unitarian Church of Transylvania, and the leading figure of the Nontrinitarian movements during the Protestant Reformation. This year (2018) marks the 450th celebration of the Edict of Torda in Transylvania in which David convinced the king to allow the people to have freedom of religion, the beginning of our liberal religion! This month marks the anniversary of the death of David in prison.

Frances Ellen Watkins Harper- (September 24, 1825- February 22, 1911) An African American woman who challenged Unitarians and other Christians to practice a form of religion that reflected “a stronger sense of justice and a more Christlike humanity in behalf of those . . . homeless, ignorant, and poor.” She believed the struggles for black Americans and women of all races were connected. “Justice is not fulfilled so long as woman is unequal before the law. We are all bound up together in one great bundle of humanity, and society cannot trample on the weakest and feeblest of its members without receiving the curse in its own soul.” – Frances Ellen Watkins Harper

In my research of these three figures (and many more), I discovered that they became who they were through their life experiences. Many of the figures in UU history were exposed to racism, injustice and devastating losses. They were beaten, robbed of their freedoms and sometimes killed.  They witnessed the mistreatment and misfortune of others.  This is what made them our UU Heroes. It is what made them stand up and make a difference.  

One of the exercises in the class was to create a timeline (which was called a river journey)  of my life.  It was called this to illustrate the flow and many turns in the formation of our identities. When I was finished with mine, I was actually embarrassed and somewhat ashamed to present it.  This is because I am not proud of my abusive childhood or racist upbringing. I am not proud of my failed relationships.  But I learned that all of the other students in my class had some similar experiences and some different experiences.  Those are what formed our identities AND we are all UUs. We were all brought to this faith!  I have always thought that if I could change some of the bad things in my life, that I wouldn’t because they are what made me who I am today. I mentioned I did not like Albert’s favorite quote.  I like this one much better: “If memory had a voice, it wouldn’t sing remember me. It would call out, don’t forget who you are.” –soul matters

I love who I am. I love what I do. I love that my journey has led me to a place where I can make a difference in our world.  I love how it has allowed me to foster a UU identity in children, youth and adults in the never ending quest to create lifelong UUs.

Adult Programs: Conversations and Connections

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Please join us for “Conversations and Connections” on Saturday, November 17, from 10 am to noon in the cottage.
 
This program will provide our church community the opportunity to develop meaningful connections, two people at a time. Within the context of small group gatherings, we will break into two, encouraging conversation between us that deepen our connections.  Each meeting will offer an opportunity for these one-to-one conversations with at least 3 people. We will meet once a month in three-month cycles. The third meeting of each cycle will be a potluck for those who have attended one or more of the Conversations and Connections meetings.
 
Our guiding intention is to provide structure and opportunities for meaningful connections between individuals in our congregation. We believe as the number of one-to-one connections grows over time there will be an expanding web of connections in our community based on trust and acceptance.
 
We hope you’ll join us. Please sign up at the RE Table in Forbes Hall after services.
 
If you have any questions you can contact us:  Bettye Barclay or Sue Stoyanoff.

Adult RE Offerings for November 2018

 
Humanist Voices
 
Humanism is the progressive philosophy of life guided by reason and compassion that, without the supernatural and beyond questions of the divine, affirms our ability and responsibility to lead ethical lives of meaning and purpose that aspire to the greater good of humanity and our planet. Emphasizing “deeds before creeds,” it has been a vital part of Unitarian Universalism for over a hundred years. 
 
Our group continues to explore and discuss thoughtful contributions to UU and Humanist thought with an emphasis on making deeper connections on our own spiritual or philosophical paths. 
 
In October, we will read and discuss "The Church of What We Know,"; a thoughtful and provocative guest sermon by beloved UU songwriter Peter Mayer ("Blue Boat Home") which was delivered to a congregation in San Diego in 2017.
 
In November we will read and discuss the new book by Michael Werner, “What Can You Believe if You Don’t Believe in God?” Among other things, Werner believes in knowledge, shared human values, art, and meaning determined by living well and making a difference rather than a tortured or happy hereafter.
 
The October group will be offered two times: Monday, 22 nd and again on Tuesday, 30th, due to a large response to James' offerings in the past.  The November meeting dates are TBA. Forbes Hall. Contact James Witker 
 
Balanced Behaviors
 
Do your behaviors around eating, exercise and health need a tune up? Would you like to see personal changes that can move you closer to your health goals, but are not sure how to get there?
 
Through education, mindfulness and support, we will explore ways to make lasting changes that are compatible with your life and life style. Learn new practical skills such as environmental control and “calories as money” to make the behavioral changes you would like to see in your relationship to food and other aspects of your health.
 
Discover, design and experiment with small steps on your own path as you recalibrate and refresh your habits and choices. Learn how you can best support and encourage yourself as you move closer to realizing the optimum way you would like to live a healthy life. Know that you can realize your goals by changing behaviors that no longer serve you. All are welcome. Do you have some behaviors that work well? Please come and share your successful ideas and strategies with us.
 
Our group will meet every other Wednesday night, Nov. 14th and 28th, from 7:00-8:30pm
 
Contact: Teri Lucas, uusmreassist@uusm.org 347-684-4908
 
Conversations and Connections
 
Please join us for “Conversations and Connections” on Saturday, November 17, from 10am-12pm in the cottage.
 
This program will provide our church community the opportunity to develop meaningful connections, two people at a time. Within the context of small group gatherings, we will break into two, encouraging conversation between us that deepen our connections. Each meeting will offer an opportunity for these one-to-one conversations with at least 3 people. We will meet once a month in 3 month cycles. The third meeting of each cycle will be a potluck for those who have attended one or more of the Conversations and Connections meetings.
 
Our guiding intention is to provide structure and opportunities for meaningful connections between individuals in our congregation. We believe as the number of one-to-one connections grows over time there will be an expanding web of connections in our community based on trust and acceptance.
 
We hope you’ll join us. Please sign up at the RE Table in Forbes Hall after services.
 
If you have any questions you can contact us: Bettye Barclay or Sue Stoyanoff .
 
Come Dance with Us!
 
Learn international folk dancing with instructors Sandy Helperin and Teri Hoffman. Folk dancing is for anyone who loves to move to traditional music. No partners needed! New dancers are welcome.
 
Saturday November 3 rd 7:00-8:30 pm in Forbes
Save the future date: Dec. 8
Contact: Ellen Levy 
 
Two Meditation Groups
 
An Enjoyable Dive into Who and What We Are
We endeavor to answer the questions Who am I? (attitudes and beliefs) and What am I? (Essence or True Nature). This class will include meditations which explore participants’ spiritual goals.
 
1st and 3rd Mondays, November 5th and 19th , 7:30-9:00 pm in Room 3
Contact: Bill Blake
 
Open Meditation
We sit quietly for 20 minutes, walk with gentle awareness for 7 minutes, and explore the integration of meditation with ordinary life through journaling, readings and sharing. Anyone  who senses they would benefit from 20 minutes of silent, non-guided sitting is welcome to join us.
 
2nd, 4th (and 5th ) Mondays, November 12 th and 26 th at 7:30-9:00 pm in Room 3
Contact: Beverly Shoenberger or Carol Ring
 
Women Over 60 Discussion Group
 
Want to enhance your life? Want more personal and spiritual growth? Want to be with other women who can relate to what you are going through? Then this group is for you!
 
Usually 1st and 3rd Tuesdays - In November, we will only meet once due to Thanksgiving holiday,
November 6 th from 10-11:30 am in Forbes Hall
Contact: Sandra Beebe,