Feb-05
From Our Minister:
Whenever a member of our congregation dies, we are all affected. Whether theperson was a close friend or simply a friendly face, we feel a sense of loss.The community changes with each death. Most recently we experienced that lossand change with the death of Dean Voegtlen, who contributed so much to our churchover many years.
I have been a minister long enough to know well what it is like to lose someonefrom the church. I have sat with grieving family members and friends, led memorialservices, and done what I could to help with healing and adjusting after loss.It is part of the rhythm of community-loss, change, adaptation.
The church is a place where we come into contact with the wider cycle of life.Younger members and children, however, may have never experienced the deathof a loved one or the grieving process. Their first loss is often that of anotherchurch member. I remember vividly from my own childhood the death of my youngerbrother's Sunday school teacher. I didn't even know him. But his death touchedme anyway.
When we join a community we are agreeing to be affected by the wider cycleof life together. This connection makes us more vulnerable than we may realize.The death of another member resonates throughout the entire church. Absenceis real. We are changed.
It is another kind of memorial-the one that takes place within each of us-andone more indication of just how powerful the bond of community can be.
-Judith Meyer
Featured Articles:
Building Committee Prepares Applications for City Agencies
The Building Committee has been hard at work preparing the plans and applicationmaterials for submission to the City of Santa Monica. The application materialsinclude a request for Development Review and a Conditional Use Permit to remodelour existing facilities at 1260 18th Street, adding a new religious educationwing to Forbes Hall at the back of the new property at 1248 18th Street, andmoving the house forward and remodeling it for use as office space. We are alsorequesting a variance for a reduction in on-site parking and use of off-siteparking facilities very similar to the request approved by the Planning Commissionlast year. Alison Kendall, chair of the Building Committee, is completing thenecessary application materials with our architect, Ralph Mechur, and our pro-bonoland use attorney, Chris Harding.
With plenty of committee input on the design, the architect is finalizing allthe drawings required by the city, and we hope to submit the application inearly February. We will be holding a community meeting sometime in March todescribe our proposal and offer discussion about concerns that our neighborsmight have.
We hope to have a Planning Commission hearing in the spring. Remember, however,that our previous application (about the 17th Street property) had been deemedcomplete in October 2003, yet the hearing about that application was not helduntil early March 2004, so we are likely to encounter delays this time aroundas well. After Planning Commission approval we will need to go through ArchitecturalReview Board approval, and then prepare and submit construction drawings forbuilding permits. We hope to expedite the house relocation and remodeling togive us usable space before remodeling Forbes Hall and building the new wing.Expansion of the sanctuary will be the final phase.
The sale of our 17th Street parcel netted over $1 million, a major start toour new capital fund, which was depleted by the purchase of the lot at 124818th Street. A new capital campaign is expected to start soon to close the gapbetween our current funds and the anticipated total amount needed for all threephases of construction. We are starting to work with our architect and the contractorwe had selected for the 17th Street project to refine our original planninglevel estimate of $1.8 million.
The Building Committee meets every other Monday at 6:30 p.m. This month's meetingsare scheduled for Monday, February 14, and Monday, February 28. Please contactAlison Kendall or Marie Kashmer-Stiebing, Church Administrator, to confirm meetingdates.
-Alison Kendall
UNICEF Donations Total Over $4,000; More Will Be Given for Tsunami Victims
Our congregation has raised $4,323.46 for UNICEF, an international agencyproviding humanitarian relief to children and their families affected by thetsunami disaster in southeast Asia.
In announcing at the January 2 services that UNICEF would receive the non-pledgecollection, the Rev. Judith Meyer said, "UNICEF is already active in all thecoastal areas affected by the tsunami. One of the many sad realities about thedestruction from the tsunami is that so many children have suffered and died;those who remain alive face drastically altered lives from the aftermath oftrauma and the threat of disease.
"There are many worthy organizations stepping up to the challenge of providingrelief, and Unitarian Universalist organizations are doing their part," Judithadded. "The Unitarian Universalist Service Committee will be collaborating withthe Unitarian Universalist Association to work with grassroots organizationsin India."
As part of our "generous congregation" program, our church will also collectmoney for the UU Service Committee (UUSC) and for Global Health Access Program,a local humanitarian relief agency that has sent Los Angeles doctor Larry Stockto Sri Lanka.
"Even if you think you don't have much to give," Judith commented, "it is worthmore than you may think. And if it is difficult to give right now, there willbe many opportunities later. Once the media attention has waned, the publichealth crisis will continue. The support we give in a couple of weeks or evenmonths will be just as badly needed as it is now."
-Paula Bernstein
Dining for Dollars Events
Bidding Dates: Sunday, February 20, and Sunday, February 27, 2005. (10:00 –11:00am; 12:00 – 1:15pm)
| Date | Host | Event | Time |
| Sat. March 5 | Van den Beemt | Authentic Swiss Cheese Fondue | 6:00pm |
| Sat. March 12 | DePaul/Rendeiro | Games People Play & Supper | 4:30-8:00pm |
| Sat. March 19 | Van den Beemt/McDonald/Guidotti/Ewen | Champagne Hike with Lunch | 9:00am |
| Sat. March 19 | Scott/Spoto | Dinner & Harpsichord Music | 6:30pm |
| Sun. March 20 | Trutt | Trivial Pursuit the Game & Comfort Food/Snacks | 2:00-5:00pm |
| Sat. March 26 | Gilliam | Roast Beef & Shakespeare | 7:00pm |
| Sat. April 2 | Moore | Crown Roast of Lamb | 6:30pm |
| Sat. April 2 | Lim/Burrows/Shinno | Chinese Spring Celebration | 7:00pm |
| Sun. April 3 | Hallinan | Bloody Marys & Brunch | 12:30pm |
| Sun. April 3 | Elahi | Dinner with a Persian Accent | 7:00-10:00pm |
| Sat. April 9 | Nyquist/Gates | Ancestors Evening Dinner | 6:30pm |
| Sun. April 10 | Bamford | Sunday Afternoon High Tea | 4:00pm |
| Fri. April 15 | Chapgier | French Roasted Chicken Tarragon Dinner | 7:00pm |
| Sat. April 16 | Steinicke | Picnic/Wildflower Walk in Topanga | 1:00pm |
| Sat. April 16 | Goodwin | Joni Mitchell Night & Dinner | 7:00pm |
| Sat. April 23 | Straw/Jones/Bickford | Progressive Southern BBQ Huck Finn Picnic | 11:00am |
| Sun. April 24 | Loran | Northern Italian Dinner with a View | 6:30pm |
| Sat. April 30 | Nardoni | Mad Hatter Tea with Prizes for Best Hats (hats optional) | 3:00-5:00pm |
| Sat. April 30 | Canady | Mom’s Lasagna & Pie | 6:00pm |
| Sun. May 1 | Schonebaum | Sunday Afternoon Plein Air Drawing with Lunch | 1:00-4:00pm |
| Sun. May 1 | Bjornlie | Scandinavian Supper | 6:00pm |
| Sat. May 7 | Hasse/Pinto | Kentucky Derby Lunch Buffet | tba |
| Sat. May 7 | Goetz | Mexican & Margaritas | 7:00pm |
| Sat. May 14 | Boothe/Varga | Baked Salmon Dinner (wheat & dairy free) | 5:00pm |
| Sat. May 14 | Goodwin/Lisovsky | Bridge Buffet | 6:00pm |
| Sat May 21 | Bleak/Smith | Post-Kentucky Derby Lunch/Tea (The Preakness) | 1:00pm |
| Sat. May 21 | Choir | “We Shall Overcome”: Songs of Social Conscience | 7:00pm |
| Sun. May 22 | Kahn/Spears | Brunch with a View | 1:00pm |
| Sat. May 28 | Parkerton | Moguls of Northern India Dinner | 7:00pm |
| Mon. May 30 | Bonacich | Holiday BBQ/croquet, volley ball, ping pong | 3:00-7:00pm |
| Fri. June 3 | Olson | Sunset Bistro Supper at the Beach/Bel Air Bay Club | 5:30pm |
| Sat. June 4 | Hanson | Springtime in Southern Italy Dinner | 5:30pm |
| Sat. June 4 | Jain | North Indian Vegetarian Meal | 6:30pm |
| Sun. June 5 | Scruggs | Barbeque, Ping Pong & Sunset at the Beach | 5:00pm |
| Sun. June 5 | Nyquist | Ladies’ Night at the Heated Pool | 5:30pm |
| Fri. June 10 | Malich | Uzbekistan Restaurant Menu | 7:00pm |
| Sat. June 11 | Dietz/Voegtlen | Dean’s Wonderful Pancake Breakfast by Bob Dietz | 10:00am |
| Sat. June 11 | Curtis | A Julia Child Dinner Beef Bourguignon/French Wines | 7:00pm |
| Sun. June 12 | Mill | South Beach Summer Feast | 6:00pm |
| Sat. June 18 | Stange | California/European Gourmet Dinner | 6:00pm |
| Sat. June 25 | Pulliam | Indonesian Rice Table | 7:00pm |
| Sun. June 26 | Greenman/Simmons | Que-tennany (BBQ hot dogs, hamburgers, singalong) | 5:00pm |
| Sat. July 9 | Fouts/Weber | Lazy Summer BBQ | 4:00pm |
| Sat. July 9 | Anderson | Dinner at the Jonathan Club in Malibu | 6:00pm |
| Sat. July 16 | Chipman | Champagne Lunch | 1:00pm |
| Sat. July 16 | Burrows | Northern Italian Holiday From Veneto to Tuscany | 6:00pm |
| Sat. July 23 | Crawford/Frank | Gourmet Greek Dinner | 6:30pm |
| Sat. July 23 | Elson/Olson | Spanish Holiday (Paella & Sangria) | 7:00pm |
| Sat. July 30 | Van den Beemt | Paella Dinner | 6:00pm |
| Sun. July 31 | Pateman | Summer Vegetarian Lunch | 1:00pm |
| Sat Aug. 6 | Wright | Fiesta: Tapas, Margaritas, etc. | 6:00pm |
| Sat. Aug. 6 | Arnold/Prichard/Lane | Food & Wine from Central & South America | 6:00pm |
| Sun. Aug. 7 | Brae | Sunset & Succulent Sustenance/from Ocean to Montana | 6:30pm |
| Sat. Aug. 13 | Kerr | Evening in Bangkok | 7:00pm |
| Sat. Aug. 20 | De Benedittis/Pinkham/Pulliam | High Noon at the Del Rey Lagoon/El Salvadorean Picnic | 12:00-3:00pm |
| Sat. Aug. 20 | Machnik | An Evening at Chez Monet (Parisian French Dinner) | 6:30pm |
| Sat. Sept. 10 | Patch/Harati/Paddock | Beach BBQ at Dockweiler Beach | 5:00pm |
| Sat. Sept. 17 | March/Clark | Renaissance Role-Playing Feast | 4:00pm |
| Sat. Sept. 24 | Kelly/Olson | Tea & Tarot/ High Tea (your fortune told) | 2:00pm |
| Sat. Oct. 1 | Kernochan | “Solve” (For those with a palate for puzzlements) | 7:00pm |
| Sat. Oct. 8 | Kory | California Cuisine on the Grill | 6:00pm |
| Sun. Oct. 9 | Paddock | Napa Valley Brunch | 1:00pm |
| Sat. Oct. 15 | Murray/Higginbotham | Bird Walk & Brunch | 8:00am |
| Sat. Oct. 15 | Jones/Hamilton | Moroccan Feast | 6:00pm |
| Sat. Oct. 22 | MacQueen | Beach Walk at Sunset Followed by Autumn Supper | 5:30pm |
| Sat. Oct. 22 | Gomez | French Bistro Menu & Game Night | 6:00pm |
| Sat. Oct. 29 | Alison/Van Ligten | Day of the Dead Celebration | 7:00pm |
| Sat. Nov. 12 | Chipman | The Last Supper | 6:00pm |
| Camp de Benneville Pines: Two Weekends | |||
| Restaurants: Casa Blanca, Frito Misto, Melisse, Warszawa |
Meet the New Capital Campaign Leader:
Ron Crane Has Extraordinary Background
Ron Crane, a psychotherapist active in the life of our church since he joinedfour years ago, is the chair for our 2005 capital campaign.
"The serendipity, magic, or mystery of life has given us the last-minute opportunityto own the property next door," Ron believes. "Now our children will be in asafe space going to class, and now there can be room for all of our studentswithout some of them having to go a block away to reach their RE class. Nowthe Anderson Courtyard can expand and the garden can be a place where we canwalk as well as sit. Now our crumbling building can have a new face."
Ron brings plenty of experience to his new job raising money for our expansionand remodeling. "I've chaired two capital campaigns with goals of over $1 million(Santa Fe Rape Crisis Center in 1994 and Youth Shelters and Family Servicesin 1995), and I've been involved in fundraising at numerous non-profit organizations(Ocean Park Women's Shelter, Big Brothers and Big Sisters, Council for SecularHumanism, The Newbridge School, Lifering Secular Recovery Organization, YouthShelters, Family Services, and others," he says. "I've done everything fromselling raffle tickets at the mall (Big Brothers) to organizing a Hispanic MusicFestival in Santa Fe (1992)."
Raising money didn't come naturally, though. "About 15 years ago," Ron says,"I completed the UCLA certification program for fundraising and non-profit development.I took that series because I had such difficulty asking people to donate money."
Ron joined UUCCSM in 2001 with John Fels, his partner for over 20 years. Sincethen, Ron has served the church as a member of the Long-Range Planning Committee,president of Interweave, chair of the Welcoming Congregation Committee, memberof the Faith in Action Commission, member of the Stewardship Committee, chairfor Planned Giving, secretary of the Board of Directors, and instructor forthe senior high school OWL program. He came to our church after over 25 yearsof awareness of UU philosophy, primarily through work with humanist and existentialorganizations, including the Council for Secular Humanism, American HumanistAssociation, Humanist Psychology Association, and Society of Humanistic ExistentialPsychology.
"The reasons people attend our church are as individual as the individualsattending," he says. "There are as many reasons for refurbishing and buildingour church as there are members. After 75 years we now have the opportunityto clean up, beautify, and expand
News & Announcements:
The church board has set up an e-mail list for communication between meetings.In keeping with our policy that all board meetings be open to church members,all discussions on the list are also open. If you would like to subscribe tothe list, go to http://seven.pairlist.net/mailman/listinfo/uusmboard.Fill in the form with your name, e-mail address, and a password of your choice.(Be sure to write it down.) Then click "Subscribe." This list is designed fordiscussions among board members and professional staff. Subscribers who arenot board members are invited to read the messages. They can respond to anyposting by sending a personal e-mail to the board member who posted the message,or to any other board member.
Thank You
Thank you to the adults who agreed to be Coming of Age mentors this year: MaryCross, Jim Cadwell, Gerald Saldo,David Goetz, Jennifer Westbay, Bonnie Olsen,Peggy Kharraz, Julie Nyquist, Liz Losh, Cynthia Cottam, and Jana Poirier. Thankyou to Beth Rendeiro for her leadership in institutionalizing all five levelsof OWL (Our Whole Lives), our sexuality education curriculum for children, youth,and adults, into our church program. Beth and 19 trained OWL facilitators inour congregation have made this accomplishment possible. Thank you to DianaSpears, who organized the holiday arts and crafts sale. Not only did the saleraise money for the Westside Shelter and Hunger Coalition and for the churchgarden, but it also showcased 16 artists from the congregation. We hope they'lldo it again next year.
Undie Sunday Was a Success
Thank you for your generosity on Undie Sunday. Here are the final totals ofyour contributions: Men: Three undershirts and 24 pairs of briefs Women: 96pairs of briefs, 12 pairs of socks, and one bra Boys: 30 pairs of briefs andsix pairs of socks Girls: 78 pairs of briefs and 11 pairs of socks Thanks toyou on behalf of those who are in periods of great stress in their lives. Sincewe received a disproportionately large number of items for women and children,the underwear will be given to Sojourn, a shelter for abused women and children.
-Gerrie Lambson
Any Ideas for the Board?
In February, the Nominating Committee will begin deliberations regarding membershipon the Board of Directors for the coming year. If you have any input about theboard or suggestions for membership on the board or the Nominating Committee,please contact any one of these members of the Nominating Committee: Kathy Cook,S.J.Guidotti, Shawn Kerr, Andrey Lyness, John Fels or Linda Van Lighten.
Check Out Our New Books
Thank you to the many members who donated books to our lending library. Weare sorting and stamping them into our collection. Please stop by the shelvesin Forbes Hall to take a look at the new material.
-Sandra Trutt
Please Take Your Vase
Vases are crowding out the cupboard used for the tablecloths. We will put allof the containers on a table in Forbes, so if one is yours, please take it.The rest are for anyone who wants them. Enough will be saved for our use. Pleasedon't leave in our small kitchen stuff that we don't use and for which we haveno storage space. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lunch with Interweave Members
Everyone is welcome to have lunch and socialize with Interweave, our church'sgroup for bisexuals, gays, lesbians, and transgenders (and their friends andallies) on the last Sunday of each month at Back on Broadway, 2024 Broadway,around 12:45 p.m. For more information, contact Judy Federick.
Church Work Party
Invite your friends to the third-Saturday Church Work Party on February 19.Do you have something special you would like to do for the church? Is theresomething that isn't being done that you would like to have done? Call Marieat (310) 829-5436, ext. 100, to discuss how to fill the need you have in mindor to find out what is on the Work Party to-do list. A continental breakfastand a light lunch are served, so please let us know that you're coming.
Building News:
Building Committee Prepares Applications for City Agencies
The Building Committee has been hard at work preparing the plans and applicationmaterials for submission to the City of Santa Monica. The application materialsinclude a request for Development Review and a Conditional Use Permit to remodelour existing facilities at 1260 18th Street, adding a new religious educationwing to Forbes Hall at the back of the new property at 1248 18th Street, andmoving the house forward and remodeling it for use as office space. We are alsorequesting a variance for a reduction in on-site parking and use of off-siteparking facilities very similar to the request approved by the Planning Commissionlast year. Alison Kendall, chair of the Building Committee, is completing thenecessary application materials with our architect, Ralph Mechur, and our pro-bonoland use attorney, Chris Harding.
With plenty of committee input on the design, the architect is finalizing allthe drawings required by the city, and we hope to submit the application inearly February. We will be holding a community meeting sometime in March todescribe our proposal and offer discussion about concerns that our neighborsmight have.
We hope to have a Planning Commission hearing in the spring. Remember, however,that our previous application (about the 17th Street property) had been deemedcomplete in October 2003, yet the hearing about that application was not helduntil early March 2004, so we are likely to encounter delays this time aroundas well. After Planning Commission approval we will need to go through ArchitecturalReview Board approval, and then prepare and submit construction drawings forbuilding permits. We hope to expedite the house relocation and remodeling togive us usable space before remodeling Forbes Hall and building the new wing.Expansion of the sanctuary will be the final phase.
The sale of our 17th Street parcel netted over $1 million, a major start toour new capital fund, which was depleted by the purchase of the lot at 124818th Street. A new capital campaign is expected to start soon to close the gapbetween our current funds and the anticipated total amount needed for all threephases of construction. We are starting to work with our architect and the contractorwe had selected for the 17th Street project to refine our original planninglevel estimate of $1.8 million.
The Building Committee meets every other Monday at 6:30 p.m. This month's meetingsare scheduled for Monday, February 14, and Monday, February 28. Please contactAlison Kendall or Marie Kashmer-Stiebing, Church Administrator, to confirm meetingdates.
-Alison Kendall
From the Archives:
Church Groups Evolve Over Time
Our UUCCSM social church groups have come and gone over the years, respondingto changing times, agendas, and lifestyles. Today's groups include FUUsion (21-35-year-olds), TAG (the adventure group), Over-50, Poetry, Interweave (bisexual, lesbian,gay and transgendered), and Caregivers' Support Group.
Other groups, which were once active in days gone by, have dissolved:
Sewing Group met the second and fourth Tuesdays of each month from 10:30 a.m.to 3 p.m. Today, with fewer and fewer stay-at-home moms, the skill of domesticsewing has dwindled-also affordable, foreign- made clothing and other sewn productsare readily available.
Dessert Card Party was a subgroup of the Women's Alliance (the only Santa MonicaUnitarian social group organized even before the congregation). The group metonce a month, on the first Friday at 1 p.m., to play cards, raise money forthe church, and enjoy a homemade dessert. Today, for the most part, we enjoyfewer and fewer modest pleasures that cost little or no money.
Evening Alliance met the first Thursday of each month at 8 p.m. Establishedin 1955, it was "a group through which women may give service to the churchand find satisfaction in personal relationships with other women of similarUnitarian points of view. Meeting in the evening at the homes of members, theEvening Alliance is for those women who work during the day." This group dissolvedin the 1970s.
Laymen's League was reactivated the same year, 1955. This was the men's versionof the Women's Alliance. The group dissolved in the 1970s, a transitional decadefor many social groups. The Layman's League was like an internal Rotary Club,whereas the current Men's Group resembles a Covenant Group geared to sharingfeelings.
When weekends weren't so packed with chores and leisure opportunities, somechurch members found it enjoyable to meet regularly for the Sunday Evening DiscussionGroup to talk about UU topics and ideas. In some sense the Sunday Evening DiscussionGroup has evolved and expanded into today's Adult Religious Growth and Learningclasses.
Current Issues Group, which met the third Thursday of each month at 8 p.m.,was established in 1956. Long before the Internet and 24-hour cable TV news,it made sense to regularly get together at church to discuss topical issues.Today, few members would have the time to gather regularly, other than at Sundayservices.
Singletarians, established in the early 1960s after the dedication of ForbesHall, was another victim of changing times. Today there are more single peoplethan ever, but being single is no longer seen as a transitional period. Andthose who wish to date have found other ways to meet people.
Service Committee has evolved into today's Faith in Action Commission.
Social groups often dissolve when there's a leadership void, when no one volunteersany more to do the organizing. Individuals always make a difference. That neverchanges.
-Rob Briner, Historian/Archivist
Splinters from the Board:
Over a year ago, the board established a Bylaws and Policies Committee andcharged it with doing a complete review of the church's bylaws. The purposesof this review were (1) to make the bylaws reflect the actual organization andfunction of the church today, and (2) to eliminate from the bylaws items thatshould not require congregational approval to be changed. At the January 11board meeting, committee chair Charles Haskell announced completion of thistask and circulated a proposed update of the entire bylaws document. No decisionswere made at this meeting; the draft will be studied in preparation for thenext meeting.
Carol Agate presented a schedule of building and construction for the stagesof our building program. Since almost every step of the process requires approvalsfrom Santa Monica city agencies, including the Planning Commission, the ArchitecturalReview Board, and possibly the Landmarks Commission, the times for specificsteps in the process can be scheduled only approximately.
Marie Kashmer-Stiebing has worked with Karl Lisovsky to replace the choir rail.She gathered information about insurance, and it was decided to extend the contractwith Church Mutual Insurance. Marie was pleased that the UUSC holiday cardssold out so quickly. She plans to order more next year.
The Rev. Judith Meyer reported on plans to provide ministerial coverage duringher sabbatical from September through December 2005. She met with Anita Brennerto discuss the next steps to be taken after disbanding the Caring Committee(different from the Caregivers' Support Group). Judith is also working withthe Covenant Group implementation team to schedule another facilitators' trainingsession.
Catherine Farmer, DRE, has established an "RE Shining Star" program to recognizethe contributions of the volunteers to the program. Catherine and the RE Councilare preparing a safety program and policy document to be presented to the PersonnelCommittee this month. The Social Justice Empty Bowls project was scheduled tobegin January 23 when the young people are to start crafting the bowls. Mentorsand their young people will be attending a "Rites of Passage" event at SkirballCenter on February 6.
Steve Wight is planning the next Saturday evening music program on February26-a "Stevening"-and is working with Peter van Den Beemt to continue the successfulsale of CDs of past choir performances.
-Gerrie Lambson
RE News:
From the Desk of the DRE
This month our Way Cool Sunday School program shifts its focus to the ThirdUU Principle, "Acceptance and encouragement to spiritual growth." From now untilthe end of the church year in June, children will explore this principle intheir classrooms as well as on Worship, Social Justice, and Arts Sundays. I'veseen the principle written, in more kid-friendly language, as "Accept one anotherand keep on learning together," and "Yearn to learn throughout life." I admirethe effort, but I don't particularly care for either one; it's difficult tosimplify without losing content. The Third Principle's not just about learningtogether but about helping one another grow "spiritually." But what does thatmean?
I came across a lovely story recently that I think answers the question. BetsySpalding was a student minister, teaching in an RE classroom for the first time,and one Sunday a parent shared a story about his son.
"It so happens," said Spalding, "that there had been an incident of some magnitudethat week, involving some colored marking pens, a wall in their home, and Ben.Ben knew that he would have to face his father when he came home from work.And the father was late coming home that evening, so there was plenty of timefor Ben's anxiety to mount. When the dad got home they went straight upstairsto Ben's room. Before he could find words to start the discussion, Ben said,