The Right Relations Team is a group of church members selected by the Board of Directors to help members of our congregation practice developing better relationships with each other.  On this page, we will collect news, information, files, tools, and other materials related to the work of the committee.  For more information, you may also visit us in Forbes Hall after Sunday services, or contact us at rightrelations@uusm.org. Sincerely, Vilma Ortiz and Sue Stoyanoff (co-chairs), Emily Linnemeier, Audrey Lyness, Beth Rendeiro, Cassie Winters, and James Witker (Right Relations Team)...and Kim Kalmanson, Cindy Kelly, Margot Page, Nalani Santiago-Kalmanson, Linda van Ligten, Patricia Wright, and Steve and Sylvia Young (Right Relations Support Group)

Holiday Blues, Snooze or Yahoos: Share Your Apprehensions and Joy in a Facilitated Dialogue
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 3 AT 6.30 PM IN FORBES HALL

Healthy Congregation Events Past and Future
LISTENING CIRCLE ON RECENT STAFF TRANSITIONS ON SUNDAY, JULY 21 AFTER SERVICE
July 8, 2019 Audrey Lyness Healthy Congregation, Right Relations

Right Relations Team Survey

Right Relations Team Newsletter Articles

May, 2018
April, 2018
March, 2018
February, 2018
January, 2018
December, 2017
November, 2017
October, 2017
August, 2017
July, 2017
June, 2017
May, 2017
April, 2017
March, 2017
February, 2017
January, 2017
December, 2016
November, 2016

RRTF Covenant of Right Relations PowerPoint Presentations 

March, 2018
October, 2017

Congregational Covenant of Right Relations

• Expressing kindness and caring to others even when it’s challenging
• Supporting each other in times of joy as well as in times of struggle, pain, and grief
• Asking for help when needed and being open to accepting care from others
• Being welcoming and hospitable

We commit to practice direct and honest communication by:

• Speaking my own truth
• Striving to hear every voice and letting others speak for themselves
• Practicing deep, open, and respectful listening
• Respectfully acknowledging others’ perspectives
• Turning from reaction and judgment to wonder and inquiry in understanding others

We commit to address the harmful impact of our words or deeds by:

• Acknowledging mistakes, offering apology, asking for forgiveness, and making amends
• Trusting the sincerity of apologies and striving to forgive
• Refraining from making assumptions about others’ intentions and motivations
• Remaining engaged with one another; emphasizing building and mending relationships

We commit to honor diversity by showing respect in ways that are meaningful to others by:

• Appreciating the vast array of spiritual beliefs and personal values among us
• Admitting to my biases and being open to shifts in my perspective
• Accepting others as they are and being intentionally inclusive
• Being empathetic and celebrating diversity
• Embracing our shared humanity and supporting our individual journeys

We commit to nurture and attend to the wellbeing of our community by:

• Expressing appreciation for what others contribute
• Making an effort to get to know others and allowing others to get to know me
• Showing up, being present, and honoring commitments
• Striving to collaborate, compromise, and seek consensus

CLOSING: By affirming this Covenant of Right Relations, we commit to embrace the inevitability of conflict and to stay with the spirit and intention of our Covenant. In times of harmony, may it deepen our bonds with one another; in times of conflict, may it guide us.

Right Relations Team Nominations

Sharing Personal Stories of Meaning

During February and March we have listened to and shared over 100 personal stories of meaning from our UUSM members and friends of all ages. This story gathering is part of the Right Relations work we are doing at our church in order to discover and articulate the core values we uniquely hold as a congregation. The stories depict our community and the individuals who comprise it when we are at our best. They hold within them the collective wisdom about what we value together. This collection of stories is but a sample; you can find more on the boards near the Right Relations Task Force, (RRTF) table in Forbes Hall every Sunday after services, and posted on the website. 

To share Personal Stories of Meaning, please visit https://tinyurl.com/uustories

Core Values Statement

• Welcoming everyone into the life and work of our congregation
• Offering support in word and deed and caring for relationships
• Being intentionally inclusive
• Connecting across generations
• Accepting and celebrating each person’s authentic self
• Expressing generosity and gratitude
• Working for peace, equity, environmental and social justice
• Offering opportunities for service

• Engaging in lifelong learning and growing
• Honoring the power of music

March 26 Service

On Sunday, March 26, the Right Relations Task Force participated in the church service providing a summary of our progress and sharing three stories of meaning. For those of us who weren’t able to attend church that day, we share this text:   

"Your Right Relations Task Force was appointed by the board in July last year, and in the last 6 months, we have been involved with all of you in an intensive effort of Right Relations. We have gathered in safe spaces to share what has troubled or pained us and share what we value in this community. As we gathered, we have practiced ways of sharing and listening that serve to rebuild our connections. We are practicing how to live in right relationship. Over 150 members of our congregation have taken the time to engage with this process. 

Most recently, we asked you to share your stories of meaning. We asked you to: 'Tell about a personal experience of meaning, growth, or transformation that you have had here in this congregation, an experience when you felt especially connected to others in the church.'  

We have listened to over 100 stories from children, adults and youth in our congregation. And you have submitted more than 50 stories in writing.Thank you!   

From these stories, we started the process of harvesting our core values. Core values are the essential and enduring qualities of our community. They are the practices that emerge in our everyday interactions and that allow us to feel connected to each other.   

Core values are derived from our seven UU principles; yet, while the seven principles are guiding principles shared by UUs globally, core values are what are uniquely expressed in our congregation. Core values are what we practice here in UUSM on a daily basis.   

What core values emerged from your stories? Your stories told us that you value providing community, showing support, being inclusive/supportive. You said that you participate in this community because it allows you to engage democracy, value music, be generous, and show gratitude. You also told us that you appreciate being welcomed, engaging in caring relationships, learning and growing, and being inspired to make spiritual connections.   

We, on the Right Relations team, are moved to see what you shared about what is best in our community.   

The core values are still in draft form. We ask you to give us feedback about what you hear in the stories shared from other members and in our draft core values. There is a place to do so in Forbes hall after services. Stop by our storyboards to read more stories. We are in the process of finalizing the core values and will present to the Board in April. Finally, you, the congregation, will have the opportunity to affirm these core values at the annual meeting in May.    We hope that you are as inspired by these stories as we, the Right Relations team, have been. We invite you to give us feedback about what you heard today.

Right Relations work is long term. We have been working for many months and we will continue to work for many more months. Even after affirming our Covenant of Right Relations, we will continue to engage in the process of Right Relations. Thank you for your engagement in this process, it has been inspiring to the Task Force and the additional members who have joined this effort as interview team members."

"From my POV, the stories that were shared underscore the importance of community bonds in a time when most people's lives are increasingly fragmented and decentralized. A congregation provides a multi-generational community and a chance to connect with other humans in meaningful ways that often have the more intangible benefits of enjoyment, stimulation and personal growth etc., but also sometimes very tangible benefits of being able to rely on others in a time of need. Being in a community of values (and the UU values that draw us to the congregation are very important in the first place) helps the widen the circle of caring in our lives, and that can be a big deal."

 ~ James Witker, Right Relations Task Force member

Personal Stories of Meaning: We are glad to share a few of these stories here  

Showing Gratitude              

"When I come here I really like the cookies" < ~ Maribel  

Being Inclusive 

The most meaningful experience I had in church was when I organized a big celebration and every single person had a role in the celebration. Everyone felt like they mattered and their participation was valued. ~ Bonnie Brae 

Learning and Growing 

After moving here from the Washington DC area in 2011 our family decided to attend a Christmas Eve service and chose to come to UUSM. At that service I learned of a one-day retreat in early January, which I attended. As the retreat was winding down Linda Van Lighten came up to me and told me about OWL...That was such a gift. She had heard me say I had a daughter in 5th grade and proactively made sure I knew about this great church program. To me OWL has been a reason to stay connected to the church. Had Linda not shared this we would have missed out on this important program and possibly becoming members of the church. Thank you Linda!

One Sunday, shortly after coming to the church for the first time and learning about OWL, it was announced that OWL was starting that morning. We had not known the start date. I hurried to the DRE after the service so our daughter, Annie-Jewel, could participate. I was told we couldn’t participate because we hadn’t attended the orientation. I learned that if Annie-Jewel didn’t attend this OWL class, she wouldn’t be able to take the fifth and sixth grade class. The next time she could take OWL would be for the 8th and 9th grade class. I was very upset to learn she might miss this opportunity. I was told I could talk to Beth Rendeiro. Jeff, Annie-Jewel and I went up to the class that was just about to start. Beth looked at us and understood how important it was to Jeff and me that Annie-Jewel participate. She was so flexible and let Annie-Jewel right into the class and said we could do the parent orientation with her over the phone, giving more of her personal time to the incredible program she runs. I will never forget her kindness, flexibility and commitment to making sure all kids get the hugely important OWL information...Recently when we saw something on TV, Annie-Jewel looked at Jeff and me conspiratorially and said of some characters who were making some dangerous choices, “CLEARLY they didn’t take OWL.” She knew what she had gotten from OWL and it gives her a sense of empowerment that she wouldn’t otherwise have. ~ Vicky Foxworth

Being Generous 

It was a Sunday like any other. Sunday school had just ended, and I was sitting on one of the wooden benches in the courtyard, texting my friend. I was about to check what time it was when my phone died. I sat there in silence, counting the minutes until I could go hangout with my friends. It would still be at least a half hour until my dad was done advertising his Mindfulness class at coffee hour, so I was just sitting there staring off into space like I was contemplating existence, but really just blindly hoping that I could get home. How long had it been? 5 or 10 minutes? I looked around and saw that there was still a lot of time left. I got up to go in and ask my dad how long it would be, when I saw something. Under the shaded area next to the playground there were people setting stuff up and assorting supplies into identical brown paper bags. I walked over, seeing mountains of lunch meat, cheese, bread, cuties, and Twix bars. There was a man there along with a few other people, and they were making lunches. I walked over to the man and simply asked, 'Can I help?' The guy glanced over to me and said, 'Go wash your hands, we can always use extra help.' That was the first time I ever did Lunches for Bunches (I think that's the name), and it was all because of my Dad's Mindfulness class. ~ Walker Watson 

Valuing Music 

My mother had a fascination with Ray Charles. I think it was the theatrics of his piano playing, hammering the keyboard, and accentuating his rhythm and blues. With his head moving back and forth and his feet stomping on the ground, it was definitely his show. My mother brought a lot of color into our home, though at times, being a Georgia girl, she said some unflattering things about him, that are not easy to forget. And I’ll leave it at that. 

Ray Charles died on Thursday, June 10, 2004. The Sunday after his death, the Unitarian Universalist Church of Santa Monica was remarkably quiet. Those are the moments when I look up at the widows to see the black, brown, purple and green colors pouring through the pattern windows and into the nave. The light’s final destination on this day projected the quiet faces in meditation. 

And after an indefinite moment of silence Louis Durra started the first notes of 'Georgia On My Mind.' There is something to be said about the immediate recognition of notes heard from long ago, the way it is absorbed, and the history behind it. In any case something caught hold of that emotion buried deep inside me and one huge teardrop fell down my cheek. Many others immediately followed it. 

I don’t remember a time when I’ve cried so much in church. But, this is the place where I feel free and comfortable to do this, in my spot, looking over the congregation to find myself connecting and touching humanity. It’s a simple lesson I’ve learned, these many years, that tears are a remarkable way to let go and forgive. 

And this is where I come, to be with the ones I love, to find truth, and to forgive.  ~ Joe Straw

Providing Community

"I liked when yes-butts, bobs, and wombats won for the teams"  ~ Delaney Hutchinson

Welcoming 

I came to this church in 2001, the second Sunday after 911 and the destruction of the Twin Towers. I had been deeply involved at the Self-Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine for 12 years, and was serving in the foyer on Sunday, September 16th, when dozens of frightened people came streaming into the temple. We had nothing to offer them: no coffee, no counseling, not even a chair. I decided then to try to find a more welcoming community, and UUCCSM was at the top of my list. 

When I arrived here, I was delighted to find a woman minister, Judith Meyer (SRF ministers are all monks). In Forbes Hall, I was given coffee in a red cup (indicating I was a visitor) and invited to an introductory meeting after church. There were quite a few people, and during that meeting Judith listened to what each new person had to say. This was moving to me, because in discussions at Lake Shrine, we had to submit questions on paper to the monks ahead of time. 

Very pleased with the warm welcome I received, I was one of 36 new members who joined this UU church the following month. ~ Carol Ring 

Showing Support 

This story starts in Rustic Canyon Park - my wife, daughter and I had signed up for a [Dining for Dollars] D4$ picnic for-all-ages. After the kids were engaged in games and most of the adults were hanging around the picnic tables, I overheard the host say he was looking for someone to take over another event he was running. That’s how I met Dean Voegtlen and his ‘Fabulous Pancake Breakfast.’ 

For 4 or 5 years, Dean and I teamed up: he showed me where to shop, how to recruit volunteers, and how to make his special pancake recipe - fluffy, delicious buttermilk pancakes made from scratch. After Dean’s death, my family took over running the breakfast until last year, when the Men’s Group took it over... 

For me, the breakfast that worked out best was in 2010 when Forbes was being remodeled and the kitchen was not available. This is back when Stephen Furrer was our interim minister. Gerald Saldo, (a hold-over pancake-flipper from Dean’s crew), and I decided to cook outside on barbeque grills. It worked out well – doing things a different way added spice to the atmosphere. Someone suggested moving the shade structure that was outside the Sanctuary’s new exit door, so a dozen or so people picked up the poles and moved the whole thing next to the existing shade structure – all 60 or so guests could sit in the shade. A group of teenagers were doing something with RE, so we fed them too. The weather was perfect, people tarried. Jessie ran the pancake games; Ian Postel retrieved a pancake from the roof. Jessie took over 300 pictures and made them into a collage, which preserves a moment in the history of our church. ~ Bob Dietz 

Last summer I went to the Elementary School Sleepaway camp. I made a new friend. Her name is Sophie and she was from Arizona. The funny thing about her trip from Arizona to California was that her parent's car broke down which was why she arrived on the night of the first day. Since she was so late, she had to go in the room of our cabin that wasn't full, Sophie was my new roommate. From that night on, Sophie and I bonded. We did fun activities with each other. For example, we would go to the pool and tell funny stories from our lives every night. Sophie ended up being a great friend to me. ~ Jade Stashin

Being Generous 

The year was 2002; we had belonged to the UU Church for about seven years. Our children John-Michael and Angela were in 6th grade and 1st grade. We had been living in a two bedroom/one bath bungalow, and had decided to make our house bigger. This remodel would necessitate us vacating the property. We put the word out in the church that we were looking for a place to live for six months or so during construction. Dean Voegtlen, who had been John-Michael's secret pal and with whom I played tennis on Fridays, approached me one day. He said that he and his wife Lee had agreed to offer us their "pool house" for as long as we needed it – for free! No rent! 

Janet and I did not need to give the offer more than a moment's thought once we determined that we would not be inconveniencing the Voegtlens. Dean and Lee had children of their own about our ages but who lived elsewhere. They, the parents, were quite fond of us, maybe in part because we filled a vacuum left by their departed sons; however, we also simply enjoyed one another's company, had played bridge together a few times, for instance. 

…we really came to love and appreciate Dean and Lee by living next door to them. I tried to be helpful, and they were always supportive. We learned to 'whisper in the mornings' as we left early for school and work, in deference to Lee's sleep schedule. This was the closest we ever came to co-housing, something Janet and I talked about, though never actually did… 

I recall those months fondly, when my family came together out of necessity and expressed its love and commitment through cooperation and good listening...And to this day I remember those few months of my family living in close quarters, doing homework on the coffee table, cooking breakfast outdoors on the Coleman stove even in January, as a joyful time. ~ Karl Lisovsky

Learning & Growing

"During the summer, there was a Harry Potter thing. I have read all the books, so it was really fun to do so many 'Harry Potter' themed activities"  ~ Vivien Watson

Caring Relationships 

When the congregation was at its best was in 1989 when Judith was minister and I became a member of our sewing group. We met once a week to sew, quilt, knit or crochet items which we sold at the December Sale. All of the proceeds went to the General Fund. Some of our members were Marion Holman, Sarah Van Dyke, and about six others. We met in Forbes Hall. I felt very welcome and I liked being able to contribute to the church. 

One by one these ladies left the group due to ill health, moving away, until only Sarah and I were left. About 1994, the group disbanded. I value the transformative inclusion, camaraderie, loyalty and service I experienced in the congregation. ~ Helen Brown 

Providing Community 

I was brand new to the church and fellowship last summer having moved here from the Midwest. I was attending my second church service and happened to sit next to Melinda Ewen. After the service she introduced herself and as we talked she learned that I love to read. She invited me to her book group and also explained that the second Sunday of each month there is a dinner where she would be there to introduce me to more of the community. Melinda followed up with an email and later I received an additional email from Barbara Gibbs who I'd never met. Barbara sent me her ticket to the pancake breakfast. Barbara mentioned that Melinda had told her I was new to the community and since she was unable to attend the breakfast she was hoping I could use her ticket. With these new connections I felt ready to reach out on my own and began to attend Bettye Barclay's meditation sessions on Thursday evenings. Bettye later emailed me her ticket for a Dining for Dollars event. I had no idea how the tickets originated and knew nothing of the process, I gratefully went to that event as well. 

These ladies included me in their church activities but more importantly made me feel a part of the community. I joined the church a few weeks later. Moving here I was seeking a community where I could find connections that are open and meaningful. In UUSM I found a place with an open invitation for fellowship with no hidden agendas.  ~ Cheryl Barnett 

Spiritual Connection 

Watching our daughter Ellie singing at the Friendly Beasts services and seeing how proud she is showing off her bunny, Rocky, at the animal blessing service warms my heart every time I recall these precious moments. I knew we were in a caring, loving space when the above events took place and I looked out at our congregation I saw nothing but smiles and tears. ~ Tom Peters

"Personally, I am finding that despite all of the differences and strife that once we sit down and take the time to really listen to one another, share our stories and get to know each other on a deeper level...that we are all coming together to find love, community and a sense of belonging in a place where we can be free to express our 'Open Minds, Loving Hearts and Helping Hands.'" ~ Cassandra Winters, Right Relations Interviewer

Heartwood: A Homily for Right Relations
by Rev. Rebecca for the March 26 Right Relations Service 

Thank you again to all of you who have shared your stories of connection, of meaning, of care, with one another and with our Right Relations Task Force in these past weeks. As you heard today, each story is different and unique to the teller, each story holds up a moment in time that can never be repeated, exactly, and yet in so many stories there is a pattern, there is a repetition, of how this community has lived its principles and its values in meaningful ways over time. 

Sometimes when we think of the past, we say, 'if these walls could talk…' I look around at the walls of our Sanctuary, and the great beams that span the roofline and those that support the walls and frame the windows, and the polished wood of our Sanctuary floors, and think about the strength that is in the wood, which physically supports and shelters us every Sunday. And I remember, when I am thoughtful, that each of these beams and planks and columns was once a living tree. The essayist Scott Russell Sanders reminds us, 

Today we are sharing stories of the heartwood at the core of our community. We are looking at the patterns in the planks on the floor and in the roofline, putting our hands to what Sanders calls the deep and steadfast grain that reveals the kinship among all its parts (quoted in Parker and Buehrens, 49). These stories and all our stories, are a snapshot of our history, and there are many more that could have been – and perhaps will yet be - shared and spoken, traced and counted like the rings encircling the heartwood of a living tree. 

As I reflected on my own stories of meaning here in service as your minister, the joy of standing with members of our community in this Sanctuary as they take their marriage vows was particularly present to me. Each wedding service is different, reflecting the traditions, wishes, and hopes of the couple, but they are also always the same, profoundly hopeful statements of trust and love in facing the world together, never again alone. 

Many of you may remember fondly, as I do, one wedding in particular, held here on a sunny spring afternoon not too many years ago. It was Carol Jean and Sam’s wedding, Carol Jean and Sam who found one another in their sunset years, and became companions in love and life. Carol Jean and Sam who laughed together a lot, played cards, came up to Camp De Benneville Pines. Before they moved to San Luis Obispo, they decided to formally celebrate their commitment and devotion to one another. The ceremony took place on a Sunday afternoon after church. Everyone was invited. The bride and groom sat in chairs here on the chancel rather than stand, though the service was not long. They wrote their own vows and were serenaded by a barbershop quartet. And when the time came to kiss the bride, you could feel the joy bubbling up from that deepest well within. 

What made this wedding so special? To me, it was they way this couple reminded us all to pay attention to the things that really matter. Carol Jean and Sam didn’t break the bank with an over the top wedding extravaganza. They weren’t stressed or anxious about the details of the reception, something that is hard to avoid for a wedding of people in earlier ages and stages of life. In their sunset years, they made a different choice, a deeply hopeful choice, to be companions to one another, to keep learning and growing and laughing together, and to set out on a new adventure together. And they asked us, their spiritual community, to share in their joy, so that it might be amplified; and to celebrate with them their commitment to one another, that it might be recognized and affirmed. And this church said yes. You said yes: we celebrate with you, we support you, we care about you. 

Like our closing hymn, this story has a coda, just a brief one: a few weeks before Sam died at age 96, in 2015, he was still square dancing and hugging everybody in sight. And Carol-Jean was still saying 'Thank you for loving us!' 

I believe each community, if it can find the strength to share and to listen to the sharing, will find in its inner core the heartwood, the rings of stories that tell its history, the moments in time that are snapshots of who we have been. And surrounding that core, at the very furthest outside rings, is the sapwood. Only an inch or two thick, the sapwood carries the nutrients that keep the tree alive, that allows for the exchange of carbon dioxide and oxygen that keeps us alive, too. 

My wish for you, my spiritual friends, is that this community might continue to look at the heartwood, and follow the grain of it, the pattern of it, and know its design and meaning. And I also wish that by doing so you will find a new and hopeful ways to tend to your sapwood, where vitality and new life are to be found again in the living of those values that appear deep and steadfast in our grain. 

May it be so. 

Sources for Rev. Rebecca’s homily: Buehrens, John and Rebecca Ann Parker, A House for Hope: The Promise of Progressive Religion for the Twenty-First Century

"Each time I've had the opportunity to co-lead a Sharing Personal Stories of Meaning group, I have been touched by the tenderness of some stories, the joyfulness of others, the wonder of still others, and the great kindnesses we often extend to each other. And I am always reminded of the gift of belonging to this community of ours."  ~ Sue Stoyanoff, Right Relations Task Force member

Our Right Relations work is not done. In May, we will start Sharing Stories of Conflict Transformation. This process allows us to consider conflict as an opportunity to process issues and deepen relationships with others. It entails examining how we interact with each other when we are in conflict, and how we work through problems, utilizing a relational focus. Please look for the opportunities to participate in this important effort. 

With the collection of all these stories, the Right Relations Team will then work to develop our Covenant of Right Relations. A Covenant of Right Relations is a set of agreements made between members of a congregation about how they would like to live and work with one another. It informs our relationships in good times and in difficult times. 

Covenants acknowledge our humanity and provide for forgiveness. They allow us rebuild if and when mistakes are made. Because of the historical religious significance of covenants, these agreements are highly relevant in church communities. 

Our Covenant of Right Relations will be presented to you at a later time and you, the congregation, will affirm our covenant at a future meeting. 

This poem by Margaret Wheatley reminds us of how to be in Right Relations with one another. 

Listen to Each Other 

What if we were to be together and listen to each other’s comments with a willingness to expose rather than to confirm our own beliefs and opinions? What if we were to willingly listen to one another with the awareness that we each see the world in unique ways? And with the expectation that I could learn something new if I listen for the differences rather than the similarities? We have this opportunity many times in a day, every day. What might we see, what might we learn, what might we create together, if we become this kind of listener, one who enjoys the differences and welcomes in disturbance? I know we would be delightfully startled by how much difference there is. And then we would be wonderfully comforted by how much closer we became, because every time we listen well, we move towards each other. From our new thoughts and our new companions, we would all become wiser. 

Warmly, your Right Relations Team:
Helen Brown, Vicky Foxworth,  Cindy Kelly, Audrey Lyness, Linda Marten, Emily Linnemeier, Vilma Ortiz (co-chair), Kim Santiago-Kalmanson, Nalani Santiago-Kalmanson, Beth Rendeiro, Rima Snyder, Joe Straw, Sue Stoyanoff,  Linda van Ligten, Cassandra Winter, James Witker, Patricia Wright, Steve Young, and Sylvia Young

Listening Circles

Everyone is invited to participate in a Listening Circle where we share our personal experiences with congregational life and create a space for listening to each other's stories. One participant in a Circle stated that after participating she felt like "embracing the whole congregation."  You are welcome to attend more than one Listening Circle. Please sign up at the Sunday table or by emailing the RR Task Force (RRTF) at  rightrelations@uusm.org. Child care will be provided for all Listening Circles with advance notice.

Right Relations Process Sources

These are sources the RRTF and Board have been studying this year as part of the Right Relations process and their leadership development. The articles delve into the dynamics of congregational conflicts from a systems perspective, and provide ideas for moving forward in a "right relations" direction.

• Levels of Conflict
• Safe Congregation Handbook - Articles 3, 4, 5
• Emotional Processes in Congregations - Friedman's Theory of Differentiated Leadership Made Simple (video link and notes)
• Congregation Life Dynamics and Conflict Management - An Application of Family Systems Theory (Part 1)
• Congregation Life Dynamics and Conflict Management - An Application of Family Systems Theory (Part 2)

Response to Questions Asked About the UUSM Right Relations Process

This document provides answers to the questions that were raised by members of the congregation at the October 2, 2016 informational session on the Right Relations process.

Right Relations 101

A downloadable PDF or Power Point Presentation on the Right Relations process at UUSM.

Grounds Rules for Safe and Trustworthy Space

• Empower Facilitator to Facilitate: stay on topic; share the time.  
• Be present as fully as possible. Be here with your doubts, fears and failings as well as your convictions, joys and successes, your listening as well as your speaking.  
• Choose for yourself when and how to participate. There is always invitation, ok to pass, do not need to go around the circle, although from time to time the facilitator will ask for that.    
• Embrace differences Speak your truth with “I statements.” Listen with an open mind to others’ truth, setting aside judgments and creating a hospitable space for each other. Refrain from cross talk, side conversations, talking over or interrupting each other. Speak from your own experience, refrain from reporting for others.  
• Make space for silence and reflection. Slow down and pay attention to the voice of others without formulating a response or judgment.  
• No fixing or correcting each other. Seek instead, expanded understanding, through deep listening and the questions offered by the facilitator.  
• When the going gets rough for you or the group, turn to wonder. Turn from reaction and judgment to wonder and compassionate inquiry. “I wonder why they feel/think this way?” “I wonder what pushed my buttons?” 
• Observe confidentiality. Safety is built when we can trust that our words and stories will remain with the people with whom we choose to share, and are not passed on to others without our permission. 

RRTF Contact Form

If you have an appreciation, comment or concern for the Right Relations Task Force, please fill out the Google form below and submit immediately or use this downloadable Request for Right Relations PDF form. You can use the form to talk over some aspect of your church life that concerns you, and the RRTF members are available to discuss options and support you as you determine your next steps.

The UUSM Choir and UUSM Vocalists

Approved by the Board of Directors August 8, 2006

The Executive Committee shall consist of the officers and immediate past president and it shall serve as a subcommittee of the Board, charged with helping make the functioning of the Board as efficient as possible. The Executive Committee shall carry out that charge by performing the following functions:

1. Discussing matters brought to it or which it recognizes need attention, for the purpose of clarifying the pertinent issues and assessing their importance.

2. Establishing the agenda for each forthcoming Board meeting. That includes (a) determining which current issues require, or are of sufficient importance or sensitivity to warrant, full Board attention, and (b) determining if there are broader policy or forward-looking issues for which significant Board meeting time should be reserved.

3. Matters of an urgent nature placed before the Executive Committee may be resolved using board policy C2.6 (Board Decision Making Outside of Regular Meetings).